Birth-Joy

Love this quote on Motherhood

2011-11-14T15:40:00.000-08:00

“Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother’s image is the first that stamps itself on the … young child’s mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world.”

David O McKay

The Birth of Malakai Thomas Reeves

2011-09-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

I love so many things about this birth video. First, a real birth pool in a hospital room--not a cramped, hard tub in a cramped bathroom! I love that they let her do that. All moms & nurses need to see this! They need to know what is possible in a hospital when mom's wishes and desires are respected. Second, that everyone left her alone during labor per her request, which created the atmosphere for her husband's sweet whisper. I loved that. Third, that she and her husband calmly & quietly "caught" their baby. I was also impressed at how relatively calm and quiet the midwives stayed after the birth. The midwife rubbing the baby’s head was so gentle—such a contrast to the way most nurses rub the baby. About the only thing that bothered me was cutting the cord so early. It seemed like as soon as they cut the cord and took the baby away, they were comfortably back in their standard hospital mode, ready to do their “stuff.” Gloria Lemay has written extensively about how the cord needs to stay intact, especially in situations where the baby needs a little help with breathing. She has many suggestions of how this can be done with the baby on or next to the mama. You could tell the baby was not happy being separated by his cry. However, it appeared he was reunited with his mama pretty quickly as she was still in the pool. All in all, an amazing birth. It really looked like they honored and respected the mother’s wishes and desires. Very cool. Thanks, Mamas & Babies blog for sharing this.

OBGYN v. Midwife [The Hilariously True Appointment Comparison]

2011-08-24T15:46:00.000-07:00

This has been my experience as well. I loved my midwives and I even loved the pregnancies where I used a midwife!

You Do Have a Choice

2011-07-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

I saw this short (7 min) Birth Documentary on Mamas and Babies blog that has this excellent quote at the end:

"You are constructing your own reality with the choices you make...or don't make. If you really want a healthy pregnancy and joyful birth, and you truly understand that you are the one in control, then you must examine what you have or haven't done so far to create the outcome you want."
Kim Wildner
(Mother's Intention: How Belief Shapes Birth)

The documentary is pretty good too. I loved the nurses' candid explanations of the common medical procedures done during labor. I wish I could open the eyes of all women to the idea that they don't have to be a passive spectator in the births of their own babies. There is such a better way.

Moments That Matter Most

2011-07-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

This video was awesome the first time I watched it, but it gets even better the more I see it. The mom closing her laptop...the son coming home...dancing in the kitchen...it's all good. Makes me cry.

Forks Over Knives - Official Trailer

2011-06-29T14:04:00.000-07:00

This is an awesome trailer. I can't wait until the movie comes to my town. The research in it totally confirms Dr. Joel Fuhrman's book and Tandi Hartle's pregnancy nutrition recommendations I wrote about in another post.

Is Homebirth Really Better for Babies?

2011-06-16T17:22:00.000-07:00

There is an excellent post on Birth Unplugged entitled "How Homebirth Benefits Babies." It brings to mind ACOG's position on women who choose homebirth. They basically have accused women of trying to be trendy by following the example of Ricki Lake, or of putting their own birth experience ahead of the well-being and safety of their babies. I love this post because Brittany does a great job of pointing out that research shows babies, not just their mothers, are much better off being born at home. They have fewer complications, less birth trauma, and higher success rates with breastfeeding. Of course, I should mention that this research assumes the mother and baby are low-risk and using qualified attendants.

One statistic I've had first-hand experience with. That is that homebirthed babies are less likely to require resuscitation at birth. With my second daughter who was born in the hospital, she needed a whole resus team to get her breathing--on a table on the other side of the room. I couldn't see what they were doing but my husband said they were basically slapping her all over her body including her face. (No wonder that when she did start breathing, she started screaming at the top of her lungs and didn't calm down until after about 10 minutes of nursing, poor thing. Also another instance of the stupidity of immediate cord-clamping.) The whole reason for that delayed breathing had to do with the drug Nubain that I succumbed to receiving during transition. Wouldn't have happened at home.

One other research finding I found really interesting was that babies "had better outcomes for homebirths when comparing between home and hospital births with the same cohort of midwives." So much for the idea that we can have the "best of both worlds" by utilizing the superior midwifery model of care in the "safer" environment of the hospital. The fact is that hospitals have all their restrictive protocols and ways of doing things that are really just for the convenience of the OB's and nurses, and not usually in the best interest of mom and baby. I learned that when planning a hospital birth with a CNM. She was subject to the same legal restrictions and attitudes the OB's were. It would take such dramatic changes in hospital policies and staff attitudes (nearly impossible in today's legal climate) to negate the risks of unnecessary intervention, that I honestly can't see that ever happening, at least in the US.

Anyway I highly recommend reading her post. It's well-researched and a direct contradiction to the propaganda ACOG and the media try to shove down our throats. And Brittany is much more tactful and unoffensive than I am. (Sorry--I feel so passionate about this topic, I just can't help myself.)

Excellent Video about Being Kinder to our Babies at Birth

2011-06-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

I found this video on a blog called Mamas and Babies. It is excellent at explaining why it's better to not clamp the cord immediately. I also love that they suggest another option of waiting until the mother is ready for the cord to be clamped rather than the typical homebirth scenario of just waiting until the cord has stopped pulsating. With 2 of our homebirths we waited just until the cord stopped pulsing to cut it, but blood still came out, and my own heart and instincts felt wrong about it, even though I had no known logical reason to believe we had done anything harmful. It will be different the next time.

This video also brings up the issue of just how cruelly our babies are assaulted at birth in the name of "medical care." Some of the hospital scenes are very disturbing to me. After having 3 homebirths and watching hundreds of homebirth videos (I know, I know, I'm a birth-junkie), I am shocked and sickened at how babies are treated in the hospital. This so needs to be changed. No wonder so many people struggle with lifetime depression, tendency to violence, etc. It's been imprinted on us at birth. This video is only a portion of a longer video called "The Other Side of the Glass." You can view a preview of the film here.

Lotus Birth

2011-06-06T14:43:00.000-07:00

I really like her description and reasons for this kind of a birth. It feels kind of weird to me now to watch a video of a beautiful, natural, undisturbed birth where you see all this wonderful independence and strength displayed by the mother, then see the sweet joy and bonding that occurs with her baby, and then have to watch as she allows someone else to cut the cord that physically severs her baby from herself. It just isn't congruent to me anymore and makes me cringe every time I see it.

I also love the idea of mother and baby recuperating alone together for those first few days. Extended family and friends can visit later after the baby is ready, signaled by his/her own release of the cord.

Multiply and Replenish

2011-05-19T11:17:00.000-07:00

I love this video. I may have posted it before but I don't care. It really shares how I feel about being a mother. I came across it today while reading about my church's official position on having children on a very thought-provoking blog post on "Women in the Scriptures." Of course, I had to comment on it. First I quoted a previous comment and then added my own thoughts:

"What is the main blessing of exaltation? Eternal increase. If we refuse that blessing and responsibility in this life, how could we expect to be worthy of it in the next?"

I think a lot of it comes down to our attitude towards having children. I am thrilled with the doctrine of eternal increase. Sadly, though, I know many members who are not. In all fairness I have to add that I haven't always felt this way. My attitude has changed as my testimony has grown and as I've tried to distance myself from worldly philosophies that the Spirit has confirmed are not good.

Another huge leap forward in my attitude towards having children comes from having birthed my last three children at home. In a sacred, private atmosphere and in an unmedicated state, it is so much easier to really understand and appreciate just how profound is this amazing privilege of bringing children into the world. I can't speak for everyone, of course, but for me I only felt that to a very small degree during my medicated hospital births.

I am so grateful for this post because it confirms what my heart has told me for years. And I'm so grateful I followed my heart after my 4th child in not doing anything permanent. Otherwise I would have missed out on some of the greatest and most spiritually empowering experiences of my life.

I should have added: Not to mention 3 of the cutest little kids you ever saw!

Anyway, enjoy this video. It gives me the chills. When I read the words to my 5 year old, Charles, I started to cry as I thought of the life-changing choice I made in my later years to have 3 more children. One of the best decisions of my life. =)

(I actually found the video on a blog called Multiply and Replenish that was referenced in the comments at the Women in the Scriptures blog.)

Optimal Nutrition in Pregnancy

2011-05-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

I recently watched a webinar on achieving optimal nutrition during pregnancy. It was phenomenal! Tandi Hartle was the teacher. She is very well educated in all the traditional ways with many initials after her name, but more importantly, she learned through personal experience how traditional thinking on nutrition and medicine has failed many of us. So she re-educated herself on the more natural ways of dealing with disease and achieving optimal nutrition. In her webinar/class she talks about pregnancy complications like pre-eclampsia, intrauterine growth restriction, low iron levels, etc, and how these problems can be reduced and in most cases eliminated through proper nutrition.

This is something I have always felt instinctively, but was hard-pressed to find in written form anywhere. I've read many natural childbirth books and done the Hypnobabies Homestudy course, (which I loved) but have been disappointed that everyone seems to parrot the medical establishment line that pregnant women need to eat lots of protein, including meat and dairy. Knowing the problems of eating too much animal protein and the problems inherent in dairy consumption, I could never feel good about eating lots of these foods during my pregnancies. I didn't feel good when I ate them and they caused an unnecessary amount of fat and weight gain. It was especially frustrating when my otherwise naturally-minded midwife encouraged me to increase my intake of these foods.

Finally, in this webinar, I found what I feel is lacking in the current literature on nutrition in pregnancy. Tandi taught the importance of making the food choices that would bring the highest nutrients per calorie. She gives great examples of what the best choices are and how what we've been taught is healthy really isn't so good for us and our growing babies. She also teaches how these vital nutrients so lacking in the standard American diet (SAD) prevent many of the complications that the medical field says happen for no known reason. They do happen for a reason, but most doctors have very little knowledge about proper nutrition so they don't have the answers we mothers are asking when the complications come up.

Tandi has the answers! I highly recommend her webinar class which you can view her e. It does cost $30 but it is definitely worth it. She says it will be permanently available and you can watch it anytime that is convenient for you. If you just don't have the finances to do it you can read Dr. Joel Fuhrman's book "Eat To Live." Dr. Fuhrman's research and clinical experience most closely match the concepts Tandi teaches. It is available at Amazon. Jim Simmons, who came up with "Daniel's Challenge" (I have a link to this on my blog), and who wrote a book called "Original Fast Foods" also teaches these same nutrition concepts. Those books, however don't say much about pregnancy. That's why I was so excited to find Tandi's class. She applies the concepts they teach in relation to pregnancy in an easy to understand and profound way.

She is also going to do a 6 week class in about 3 to 4 weeks. I'll post information about that as I receive it. I don't receive any compensation for plugging her class. I just am totally excited to tell pregnant women about it because I feel it is the best information out there for achieving the "optimal nutrition in pregnancy." I believe there is so much misinformation out there for pregnant women it is downright frightening. What we put into our mouths really does matter and it matters very much to our growing babies! I firmly believe following the principles she outlines will lead to the very best pregnancy outcomes with few if any complications. And let's face it, to have the natural, empowering, spiritual births we all dream of we need healthy, joyful, complication-free pregnancies. Knowing and living these principles about nutrition is one big step toward that end.

Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, Hallelujah Chorus - Must See!

2010-12-01T16:21:00.000-08:00

I love this video! What a joyous thing to do for people. The absoultely most perfect song to celebrate the Christmas season.

After the Birth, What a Family Needs

2010-11-10T20:32:00.000-08:00

This post on Gloria Lemay's blog is awesome. She has a funny, yet very practical list of things friends and family can do to help out a mother with a new baby. I've been blessed to have meals brought in for the first week or so, but really wished someone would have come clean up the kitchen, done a load or two of laundry and watched the little ones so I could take that precious shower. It's hard for me to ask people to do those things, but if they had offered, I'm pretty sure I would have taken them up on it! I also love her suggestions for bringing healthy salads for mom and healthy snacks for the kids. Usually after that first week, my kids are bouncing off the walls from all those desserts and I'm craving salads and greens. Even though I'm grateful not to cook in those first few days, I'm almost anxious to get back to it just so we can eat healthily again. (Incidentally I've noticed that eating plenty of greens seems to help boost my milk supply.) I'm not sure how to broach the subject with people without sounding picky and ungrateful. Any ideas?

I also loved the suggestion of watering the plants. Who would have thought of that? But it's always something I neglect for weeks after having a baby. The comments on Gloria's post also reminded me that with these last three babies I wished I could just kind of disappear from society for 6 months or so with just me, the baby, and my family--kind of like a vacation where someone else does all the cooking and cleaning. It would be divine to really get to know my baby and make all those post-partum adjustments without the stress of daily life. I know, I'm really dreaming, but can you imagine how great that would be?

In all fairness, though, I have to say that when I was having my miscarriage I was blessed to have a wonderful friend give me a foot rub, make me a gallon of green drink to last me throughout the week and then clean up my kitchen. All pregnant and post-partum mothers should be so fortunate to have such a friend!

My Brain Says its Better, but My Heart is Sad

2010-10-22T19:10:00.001-07:00

This has been a tough week. It started with utter exhaustion, which became a head cold, which turned into a 2 day migraine. And to top it all off, my period came on Tuesday. Now, last week I had told myself that it would be okay if I wasn't pregnant--I would trust the Lord on the timing, and it would give me more time to lose my excess fat and give Talita longer to nurse. Those are all things my brain told me. But the reality is that my heart is disappointed and discouraged. By convincing myself that I had already gotten pregnant again, I think I merely postponed the sorrow and the questioning of the miscarriage until now. It's taken me several days to come to terms with all of it. Not being able to throw myself into an intense exercise/diet program because of the illness hasn't helped me deal with my non-pregnant state very well either.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe there is one more child to come to our family. The Lord was merciful enough to remind me of the unmistakable answers to prayer I had already received about that. I just don't know when it will happen, and I've never been very good at delayed gratification. So, here's another learning experience I need to go through--trusting the Lord and His timing. It's one thing to say you will, even one thing to honestly feel that you will, and another thing to feel that way all the time.

I learned something else last week as well. First, when I do get pregnant again, I absolutely am not going to tell anyone besides my husband, my kids, and this blog. I may even postpone telling my kids until I'm past the 13 week mark. What brought me to this conclusion was having an extended family member who I hadn't told about my pregnancy ask how I was feeling and if I was nauseous or not. It took me a minute to realize that her husband had told her I was pregnant. Scott had told him I was and said that he had "sworn him to secrecy" not to tell his wife. I guess he forgot that part. Anyway, I awkwardly told her I had miscarried. For a very brief moment she seemed sympathetic, but then said, "Aren't you relieved? I mean, when I heard you were pregnant I thought what if there's something wrong with the baby? At your age and eight kids?" The look on her face when she said "eight kids" was completely and totally hurtful to me. Mainly because even though most people in their right minds would question 8 kids at my age, I had known it was right. The Lord has for over a year let me know that it was right and my heart and soul agreed with it. (My brain is often another matter.) Anyway, thinking of 8 kids for our family had come to feel almost sacred because of all the divine assurances I had received, so I was quite taken aback. I didn't really say anything to her in reply because I was speechless. So I think I just changed the subject. Ali was standing there through the whole conversation and she later told me that telling somebody they should be relieved to have a miscarriage wasn't exactly a very nice or appropriate thing to say. I had to work pretty hard over the next few days to really feel like I had forgiven her. And honestly I can totally understand where she is coming from. I'm sure most people would feel the way she did. I also realized there were things going on with her life in the last little while that made it easy to say what she did. So, I don't fault her. But I realize more than ever that I don't want my family who will feel that same way to worry about me when I do get pregnant again. I know what I'm doing. I'm healthy, (got to figure out those migraines though), and I have great tools available to help me have a healthy pregnancy and baby. And above all, the Lord has reassurred me that He will help me accomplish this and that it is His will.

So now, it's back to the trenches of increasing my faith and trust. And losing that baby fat!

Labor & Delivery Nurse Has Homebirth

2010-10-19T11:56:00.000-07:00

VBAC Facts has the story. Especially telling are her coments at the end. She considers what would likely have happened had she given birth at the hospital and she points out that she had a big baby (9lbs) vaginally without a tear. A previous c-section was justified by her doctor because "her small pelvis just couldn't deliver an 8 lb baby."

Here's a re-post of the last paragraph:

"So to all of those women who have been told that you would have died in childbirth because you couldn’t push out your own baby YOU CAN! I am proof that I delivered a baby 1 pound bigger than what they said. I am an RN in labor an delivery and see all of the unnecessary
interventions that they do. I was pondering about my birth. If I would have chosen a hospital birth I probably would have ended up with another c/s or an episiotomy. There were times during my birth where I thought am I crazy I can’t deal with this pain. The midwives and doula helped me through the intense contractions. If I was at the hospital they would have bullied me into an epidural and therefore I wouldn’t have been able to move around to get her to come down. Also I wouldn’t have been able to feeling the progression of her head coming down when I pushed. With my son I pushed and couldn’t really feel any progress so mentally I was losing hope. With this birth it didn’t feel like I pushed for an hour because I could feel the accomplishment of her coming down. I see this happen all of the time at the hospital. If a mom isn’t pushing quick enough for the Dr or they think the head is too big then they will automatically do an episiotomy. They probably would have done that and it just shows that it would have been for nothing and I would have had a longer recovery time. So therefore I am grateful that I found homebirth and such wonderful midwives. Any of you who are contemplating homebirth vs hospital try your best to do homebirth. Don’t let money be an issue. After all is said and done money is money. You can always earn the money back but not the experience of a wonderful birth. I hope this inspires all of you who are having the normal feelings of “what if I can’t do it.” Good luck to your future births, You CAN do it!"

A couple of comments: An L&D nurse says "they would have bullied me into an epidural." Homebirthers are often accused of exaggerating the pressure put on women in the hospital to succumb to their interventions, yet here is a nurse speaking from her own experience of what actually goes on.

Second, the epidural during her previous hospital birth made it impossible to feel her baby moving down. She said because of that she "mentally lost hope." So when the doctor says "your baby is just too big," she believes him. The epidural numbs women to their own sensations and inner knowlege and they end up with an unnecessary c-section. (I should say, unecessary had they skipped the epidural.) How often does this happen? I would bet that it happens a lot. Very sad.

Be sure to read the comments at the end. I always find it interesting to read the absurd reasons OB's often give for justifying a c-section. It's also interesting to note the completely different tone in women who have done their research and had an empowering birth versus those women who turned themselves over to their OB's and blindly trusted them to do the best thing for them and their babies. These latter women are often full of fear about the "what-if's"of homebirth and seem almost afraid to question the mighty men in their white coats. (Sorry, I sound a little snarky today.)

Lastly, I just have to repost this comment because she raises some excellent points:

"I’m a birth professional who chose homebirth.
My years of study taught me that no data supported the contention that homebirth was riskier for mother and baby provided the following conditions were met:
the mother is low risk
the homebirth is planned
she has a trained, experienced birth attendant
there is a hospital within a reasonable distance

I find it interesting to think that the mother is somehow more responsible for outcomes at a homebirth than she would be if the birth took place in a hospital. Sorry but we can’t abdicate our responsibilty that easily Amy!

[love the following:]

If the woman chooses a caregiver or a facility that deprives her of food and drink, induces her labor, hyperstimulates the process with oxytocin, puts the woman on her back to birth, then deprives the newborn of her oxygen by cutting the cord prematurely and then routinely send the baby for observation in a nursery which may also undermine breastfeeding, how has that mother made choices to safeguard her baby’s well being?

Why not take a look at the gold standard of evidence based medicine which is The Cochrane Data Base. If you visit
http://www.childbirthconnection.org you can read the Guide to Evidence Based Care in Pregnancy in its entirety.

Homebirth is a viable and respectful alternative to both the hospital and the birthing center. As a professional I move among all three and always encourage each woman to choose the one that provides her with the sense of being loved and protected. If she thinks the hospital is that place we “dig” a little deeper to make certain its practices are congruent with what she REALLY needs and that usually isn’t an IV, lots of vaginal exams and multiple laboratories. It is a environment where she can freely move and express herself throughout labor and the actual birth (no restrictions in birthing positions) and one in which she doesn’t have routines foisted upon her. It is one where she can select who will accompany her at any moment in the process and one in which she doesn’t have to worry about the baby being removed from her arms at any time. If the hospital the woman chooses can meet these expectations then perhaps the hospital will work for her. If not she will do far better to stay at home! Here’s to health!
Joni"

Woohoo! Morning Sickness Cured!

2010-10-12T21:14:00.000-07:00

I had a very exciting thing happen over the weekend. I am a member of a yahoo email group for LDS women who are into natural healing methods, healthier ways of eating, etc. There was a post by a member asking for help for her friend's daughter. This daughter is pregnant with her 5th child and very, very nauseous, more so than she's been with her other pregnancies. Several women responded with the various treatments we've all tried--ginger, red raspberry leaf tea, essential oils, apple cider vinegar, chlorophyll, etc. These often help to take the edge off but never seem to get rid of it completely. So I posted that I knew of a relatively new method using energy work that was discovered by Dr. Bradley Nelson. I didn't give much detail, just said that if she was interested in having me try it, I needed her permission to muscle test the various energetic connections between herself and the baby.

Only 30 minutes after posting this I got a personal email from the pregnant mom saying that she was so sick and even though she didn't understand much of what the method entailed, she wanted me to try it. I was so excited to try it out. Granted, I had done the method on myself several weeks ago before I miscarried. While I think it worked, I can never be sure because the pregnancy ended before the nausea would have reached its peak (supposedly 8 weeks). Anyway, I went into my bedroom, locked the door so the kids wouldn't disturb me and after saying a very fervent prayer for help, I tested all the connections. This is how I explained the process to this lady:

"If you're not familiar with energy work this may sound really weird, but basically Dr. Brad found that morning sickness happens when there is a disconnection between the mother's brain and the growing baby. The process involves muscle testing the connections between the mother's brain and the fetus, the umbilical cord, the amniotic fluid, and the placenta. The connections go both ways, so there are 8 different connections to test for. Of those 8, you had 7 that were disconnected."

That's why she was so sick! (By comparison, when I did this on myself, I only had one disconnection and really no nausea.) The connections are restored by using magnetic therapy--a very quick process using any kind of magnet. It's truly amazingly simple and fast. So as soon as I finished I emailed her right back and told her it was done and to let me know if she felt any better. I checked my email periodically the rest of the evening but there was nothing from her. When I had prayed about doing it I had felt encouraged that it would indeed help her. I felt disappointed and figured she didn't notice any difference or she would have replied.

Well, late the next morning I finally got an email from her. This is what she said:

"Thank you so much for doing this for me. I had a relatively good evening and was feeling really amazed about it- I actually went out on a date which we had planned but I wasn't sure how it would work out! And then when I got home later I checked my email and saw your message. I definitely think it made a difference and I hope it wasn't just a fluke! I certainly still have typical pregnancy symptoms, like sensitivity to smells, fatigue, and sluggish digestion but most of the nausea is gone- I hope it lasts! I'm definitely interested in learning more about this when I have the energy to give to it. Thank you so much!!! And my family thanks you to!!!"

Is that so cool, or what? Dr. Brad has said that this method has helped every woman he has ever tried it on to either significantly reduce or, in most cases, totally eliminate their morning sickness. I am so excited to have had my first success with this. I hope to have many more, so if you are suffering from morning sickness or know someone who is and are open to the idea of energy work, please let me know so I can try to help you. The whole process really only takes about 15 minutes. I can do it by proxy so I don't have to even meet you, I just need your permission to muscle test the connections. Having had 7 and 1/3 pregnancies I know what morning (usually all day) sickness is like and I hate for any woman to have this debilitating nausea rob them of the joy of being pregnant. It doesn't have to be!

The Breast Crawl

2010-10-09T12:51:00.000-07:00

This amazing video shows the difference between babies whose mothers received medication during labor and those who did not. The study also compared babies separated from their mothers to be cleaned and measured and those whe were left on their mothers bodies immediately after birth. The poor medicated babies looked exhausted and clueless--well, they looked drugged. The unmedicated babies who stayed with their mothers looked so focused, assertive and intelligent. Much different than the typical newly washed and wrapped baby burrito who just kind of lays there in your arms. I think when I have another baby I'm going to try letting my baby do the "breast crawl."

Sweet April Child

2010-10-07T13:22:00.000-07:00

Sweet little love
Little Daughter Divine
You're a budding flower
Whose blossoming is near

You are April
But you dream of June
And every passing day
Beauty grows from within you

Dear April child
Are you dreaming of June
Like a tender young flower awaiting summer's bloom?
Sweet April child
In the springtime of youth
What a glorious season
It is yours, let it shine through

Awaken yourself dear child
A bud begins to wake
Deep inside you are already beautiful
Let it grow inside of you

Sweet April Child
It's the spring of your youth
Cherish these precious days
Summer comes all too soon.

Dear April Child
Still Dreaming of June….

Those are the lyrics to a lovely song from the movie Rigoletto. My oldest daughter sent them to me a month ago just on a whim. They made me cry at the time. I wasn’t sure why. I thought it interesting that the name I had picked out for this 8th child was Summer and yet when I “met” my baby during my hypnobabies practice when I was about 6 weeks along, that baby I held in my hand was not Summer, but a little girl named April. Now, 6 weeks later it all makes sense to me.

In my last blog post I mentioned that I started spotting again—exactly 4 weeks after the last time. It lasted 7 days and when it was done I told Scott that I needed to do another pregnancy test just to reassure myself that I was indeed pregnant. After all, I’d had 2 different positive pregnancy tests, one after the bleeding started. So I was still pregnant, right? On Monday I took the test and was afraid to look at the results. I just had a frightening feeling it was going to be negative. It was. Maybe it was wrong, I thought. I read through the instructions thoroughly and found that I didn’t keep the test stick in the urine stream the required 10 seconds but had only done it for 3. I had to take another test. Unfortunately, I had only bought 1 test. I didn’t want to go back to Wal-mart. I had spent over an hour and a half there that morning! So I went to a nearby grocery store. While I searched for the tests Charles and Talita kept escaping and running around the store. Finally I found the shelf where they should have been. They were completely out of every brand of pregnancy test. What? Was everybody pregnant? So then I went to Smiths. They had a generic brand that looked exactly like the Wal-mart cheapie brand I had bought that morning. But it was double the price of Wal-mart’s brand! Call me cheap, but I just couldn’t bring myself to pay double. So I ended up back at Wal-mart. This time I bought the EPT brand which actually had a 3 pack on sale for slightly more than the 1 pack at Smiths. At home I waited impatiently until my bladder was fairly full and danced in the bathroom trying not to wet my pants while I unwrapped the package. I made sure I followed the instructions exactly. I was fully expecting to see the word “pregnant” on the test stick. Never have the words “Not Pregnant” been so absolutely crushing to my soul. I was stunned.

Scott came in the bathroom to find out the results. I couldn’t say anything. I just wordlessly handed him the test. He was visibly surprised and sad as well. At first I felt kind of numb, like I just couldn’t process it all. I knew it would take time. As I was getting Joshy to bed I told him that I wasn’t pregnant anymore. He didn’t quite know what I meant, so I had to say, “The baby died.” Immediately his sweet little face fell and tears filled his eyes. He began crying and I started crying too. Charles didn’t like to see either of us cry and so he told Joshy, who was crying the hardest, to stop. I told him it was okay to cry. Joshy was the happiest of all my kids that I was going to have another baby so it makes sense that it hit him the hardest. I now see great wisdom in not telling your children about being pregnant until after the first trimester is over. And yet, I don’t regret telling my kids. I think it’s a part of life and as long as loving parents are there to explain things to children, I believe it is better that we don’t shield them from the workings of life and death. Our energies are better spent shielding them from wickedness and evil and teaching them how to deal with all these things.

Anyway, I somewhat bitterly put away my pregnancy record and anything else that would remind me that I actually thought I was pregnant when I wasn’t. I knelt down waiting for Scott so we could have couple prayer before going to bed. I started to say a prayer on my own, but the tears started to flow. For some reason I just wasn’t ready to let it all out. So I quickly got up off my knees telling Heavenly Father that I just wasn’t ready yet. I talk to Heavenly Father all the time during the day so I just silently pled with Him to help me deal with this in the way that would be best. Scott said the couple prayer because he could tell that I just didn’t have the heart right then.

When I woke up the next morning and remembered everything I was again filled with sadness. As I went about getting Joshy ready for school, I just kept praying silently that Heavenly Father would help me understand it all. I was afraid I might get totally discouraged about my testing abilities and all the work I had done using The Body Code. I wondered how I could have gotten so many things wrong. I pled with HF to help me understand what I had tested correctly and what I gotten wrong. Surely, I hadn’t gotten it all wrong, had I? As I drove Joshy to school, in answer to my prayers, the ideas started coming to me.

I believe I did miscarry that second day of bleeding when I passed the large blood clot—the one that made me panic. At the time I instinctively knew I had just lost the baby, but didn’t want to believe it. I mistakenly believed that the hCG hormone would immediately be gone if the baby had died. Now I know, according to the pregnancy test instructions, that the hormone can actually stay in your body for up to two months after giving birth or having a miscarriage. So I think I actually miscarried at 7 weeks 5 days and that the baby died the Sunday before that. It actually all makes sense to me now. I hadn’t felt her sweet influence and spirit around since shortly after I “met” her at 6 weeks. It made me so sad that I couldn’t feel her spirit. I kept praying I would and wondering why she didn’t want to be around anymore. I thought she had just gone to stay with HF for a little while, but that her body was growing and all was well. I remembered how I did the HB Special Place track again after passing the large clot and this time when I went inside myself to meet her, my uterus was a dark, empty place. I can still see my spirit standing there crying out in terror and panic “Where are you? Where are you?” She was not there and I felt so utterly dark and empty. After a few weeks of wondering why she was not with me in spirit I finally asked and got an answer (when I was what I figured was 12 weeks) that I would feel her spirit again in 3 weeks.

As I drove Joshy to school the day after learning I had miscarried, it occurred to me that maybe that answer about feeling her spirit again wasn’t completely wrong. Maybe I would get pregnant again soon and I would feel a little spirit with me again then. As I pondered this I began to feel much better with the knowledge that the Lord would give me another opportunity to have a baby. Right after learning I wasn’t pregnant I had told myself that I was done and that it was my last chance to have another baby and that I just better deal with it and move on with my life. Those thoughts made me feel defeated and bitter. Believing that I would still have another child lifted those dark clouds away and gave me hope.

That night as I nursed Talita asleep, I again prayed for wisdom and understanding and the thoughts and feelings began to flow effortlessly. Occasionally as a thought would come it would be accompanied by strong, poignant, sweet emotion. It was a blessed gift from HF letting me know that it was a correct conclusion. I learned that April would not come in the next pregnancy. She will come during the millennium! It is Summer’s turn next and I will get pregnant this year. I have actually ovulated again and I believe fertilization has taken place sometime within the last 2 days. (I really hope time does not prove me wrong on this.) I think it actually happened on Monday. We did make love on Sunday and I noticed the extra mucous of ovulation on Monday and Tuesday, and also the little twinges in my uterus on Tuesday. If this is correct, it puts the birth right in the middle of summer--June 27th would be the guess date. What amazing timing! I feel I was inspired to do the pregnancy test the day I did. If I really did just get pregnant again, doing the test later would show up positive and I wouldn’t have known that it was actually a second pregnancy! The difference in timing and the growth of the baby could have really messed with my mind. Another tender mercy is that I didn’t have to sorrow and grieve for weeks because I didn’t know for weeks that I had actually miscarried. It’s all so amazing.

I am so grateful I will have the privilege of raising April in the millennium. She is too pure, too tender to come to earth at a time of such wickedness and turmoil. My peaceful dream with the light green spring grass and the rolling hills was depicting a time during the millennium. The child’s hand I was holding was Summer’s. That’s why it didn’t seem like Charles or Talita. I have been thinking about how amazingly selfless April is. HF knew that my uterus needed healing and He knew that when the crisis of miscarriage was at hand I wouldn’t rest until I got to the bottom of it. He had given me the tools I needed: The Body Code, a sweet, wonderful friend who knew reflexology, and knowledge of the herbs that would also help provide healing to my uterus. April’s mission was to prepare my body for another pregnancy. That is not her only mission, of course. And that was not her only chance to come earthside. I believe HF wants to reserve this tender, delicate soul for a time when there will be no wickedness or disease on the earth. What a glorious time that will be! I feel so blessed to have felt her sweet spirit for those few short weeks. I felt so happy to be a mother during that time, so in love with each of my children, more than I have ever felt at any time in my life. I also felt closer to Scott and he seemed to have more patience with our little ones. April’s influence on our family was divine and I look forward to feeling that again.

Now I have the opportunity to get to know another divine daughter of God, Summer Rainn. I’m excited for that. Whether it comes soon, like I think, or later on, I will trust HF and in His wisdom and timing. He truly is over all and He knows what He is doing! How I love Him! And how amazingly good He is to me!

Menstruation During Pregnancy?

2010-09-30T15:29:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I started spotting again--not as much as last time, but it's got me pretty cautious about announcing the pregnancy to family and friends. The interesting thing is that the spotting started exactly 4 weeks from the first time. When this second episode started I googled "spotting during pregnancy" and read that 1 in 4 women have this problem and only half will miscarry. It's also not unheard of for some women to actually have light periods during the 1st trimester. That is what I would call this--a light period. It's just so weird, because I've never had any kind of spotting at all with my other 7 pregnancies.

I've also experienced absolutely no nausea--not even indigestion. I don't feel that much more tired than usual. I've only gained about 2 pounds and my belly is sticking out only a little more than usual. It's wonderful, but very different for me, and at the same time, I can't help but remember the women who have told me that in the pregnancies where they miscarried, they didn't feel pregnant--no nausea, etc. Intuitively, I feel that the baby is alive and well, and that this is just something that needs to run its course. However, it has made me much more cautious about saying anything to others about the pregnancy. (Except my trusty blog/journal--what would I do if I didn't have this outlet?) Sometimes I have to remind myself that I did indeed have 2 positive pregnancy tests--one after the bleeding started the first time. I didn't pass anything that was large enough to be a baby, so I'm sure I'm still pregnant. It has been an emotional roller-coaster, though. I have so much more empathy and understanding for women who have miscarriages. And I also understand one of my sister-in-laws a little better. She had several miscarriages and she would often go into an emotional defensive mode about having any more children. I understand the tendency to do that now. Being pregnant and knowing you will soon welcome a sweet little spirit into your life is such a joyful thing that it is a heartbreaking disappointment to have that end prematurely. And she had to suffer through that multiple times. I've kind of felt like I have to protect myself from getting hurt and disappointed just in case there is no baby, so lately I haven't allowed myself to get too excited about being pregnant.

I really look forward to a few more weeks when I can feel my baby move and hear a heartbeat and be assured that all is well. I've actually thought about either using my doppler or getting an ultrasound to check on the baby, but I've read enough stuff to seriously question the safety of both. Not to mention that whenever I used the doppler during my last pregnancy, my baby tried to get away from it and I had the very distinct feeling that she hated it, it hurt, and I felt like I needed to apologize to her afterwards. When I stopped denying those feelings after the first 3 or 4 times, I quit using the doppler. Supposedly 1 minute of doppler use is equal to 30 minutes of ultrasound because the sound waves are more concentrated, strong, or whatever. I don't want to take any chances hurting my baby, especially if she is more vulnerable for whatever reason. I had multiple ultrasounds with my first 6 pregnancies and I honestly don't think it did any harm to the first 4 kids. But my next 2 kids came 6 and 8 years later and both had speech delays even though I didn't vaccinate them, no antibiotics, etc. I also remember with my 6th child, that I felt like I was going against the Spirit when I had that second ultrasound. So many things were not good with that ultrasound. Maybe it was just too much for him. I read that today's ultrasound machines are so much more powerful that it very well could be that they are causing neurological problems in babies where they might not have 10 years ago. Who knows? All I know is I can't ignore the coincidental timing of having several articles that question ultrasound saftey pop up in the first part of this pregnancy. Each time I read about it I'd make the commitment to not have any ultrasounds unless absolutely necessary. Some might argue that this is one of those times, but I can't feel good about taking the risk at this point. Unless I feel strongly prompted that I should indeed have an ultrasound, I'm just going to exercise my faith that all is well and look forward to those first exciting stirrings of the baby.

A Most Amazing Video of Twins Born at Home--WOW!

2010-09-21T16:52:00.000-07:00

This post about a twin homebirth by Lisa at Midwife Mutiny is absolutely a must-see. There are so many wonderful things about this birth--at home in the water, a calm mother and midwife, supportive husband, 2nd baby born in the caul with multiple cord wrapping, and a fused placenta and lotus birth. Yes, the mother actually kept these babies' cords intact until they fell off on their own on the 5th day. And I thought a lotus birth brought logistical problems for one baby!

I am so amazed at this mother. I've watched a lot of birth videos, but this one really brought me to sudden tears. To see that mother sitting there holding two healthy, good size babies just brought home to me the miracle of birth and what an incredible gift and blessing it is to participate in the whole process of bringing life into the world. In fact, I actually said to myself through my tears, "I want to do this forever."

Gloria Lemay - Will You Keep Your Son Intact?

2010-09-21T15:28:00.000-07:00

Gloria Lemay is my new hero. I really like what she said about childbirth professionals being "too nice." Basically they are too worried about offending others when what they need to be doing is giving them the truth. (As a sidenote, I felt this way about the book Birthing from Within. I felt the author was bending over backward to not offend women who weren't as open to the truths about drugs during labor. Wasn't one of my favorite books.)

Anyway, I love how Gloria said that if a couple she had educated about circumcision still decided to do it, they would have to drive over her dead body to do it. She is that fierce about protecting these vulnerable baby boys. She also had a great point about the whole needing-to-look-like-Dad issue. The mothers, who often instinctually don't want to cut their baby boys need to stand up, she says, and "show some spine." Fathers, who themselves have been circumcised, are often the ones who make the misguided decision to perpetuate this tragedy onto their sons. Rather, their intact wives who have the natural mama bear instinct to protect their babies should have the greater say in the decision.

Yeah, Gloria's opinionated and strong. On this issue, she needs to be. We all need to be.

I really love this birth montage

2010-09-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

She does a wonderful job of telling the story through text, touching photos, and two really great songs.

You can read the full birth story at Journey to Crunchville.

Circumcision, Revisited

2010-09-14T15:53:00.000-07:00

I found this post on circumcision called "More Than Just Skin" through Barefoot Birth on Facebook. Try to overlook all the grammatical errors because she really has some great points. There is also a photo of a baby having the procedure done. It's heartbreaking to think of the initial trauma and the unnecessary problems these boys and their future wives will suffer. The picture really captures the senselessness of it all. Be sure to read through the comments for some enlightenment by women who have had both cut and intact partners.

I really resonated with this comment regarding the "religious" reasons for circumcision:

"Joel said...
Male or Female - everyone is born with the right to KEEP their healthy, sensitive, functional - VALUABLE - body parts. Everyone is born with genital integrity.

This is NOT compromised by the religious beliefs of a parent. The religious beliefs of a parent do not trump the child's rights to safety and a complete body.

This is ALSO why we do not allow the removal of ANY part of a female's body, not even the tiniest part of her prepuce (clitoral hood). There are those with religious beliefs that we do not tolerate - because they violate the rights of a child.

It's time we gave the rights of infant males the same respect.

Think about it."

The Young Women Values and Motherhood

2010-09-12T20:41:00.000-07:00

There is a wonderful guest post at The Gift of Giving Life blog titled "We are Daughters: Preparing Young Women for Pregnancy and Childbirth." It's written by Brittany from Birth Unplugged.

One of my favorite parts is in the section on Good Works:

"I a 1942 issue of the Improvement Era, the first presidency referred to motherhood as “the highest, holiest service … assumed by mankind.” The sharing of the body’s resources with our babies during pregnancy and other hardships we may endure in order to give our children life constitute a very important form of service. The value of the service we give in creating and sustaining new life with our bodies is not to be understated."

Makes me feel good.

The Big Scare, The Body Code, and Divine Guidance

2010-09-08T14:47:00.000-07:00

(Warning: this is long.)

This pregnancy has been so unusual for me. About 2 weeks ago I was going about my business totally enjoying how good I was feeling—no nausea, very little fatigue, and, in fact, having to remind myself that I was actually pregnant. I had just told my sister-in-law a couple days earlier that I was pregnant. I wasn't going to tell any of my extended family yet, but she and her husband had just announced they were pregnant and that she was 7 weeks along--the exact same as me. So I had to tell her. We theorized that it was okay to tell this early on because neither of us had had a miscarriage and didn't expect to.

And then I noticed some spotting. It was just a little bit, but I immediately remembered what I’d learned in The School of Natural Healing Family Herbalist course I started last year (still haven’t finished-argh) about potential miscarriage. That day I picked up some herbs, specifically false unicorn root and lobelia. I decided I needed to have them on hand in case the spotting got worse. It did and so I put myself to bed and began taking the herbs. I was kind of panicked but kept reminding myself that Dr. Christopher had said that if the baby was fine, the herbs would stop the bleeding. If the baby was not okay, and needed to miscarry, the herbs would facilitate that. So I watched closely, praying that the bleeding would stop. When the herbs didn’t seem to make much of a difference in the bleeding I got really emotional and prayed that if this pregnancy was going to end, please let it end quickly. I gained a whole new appreciation for women who have suffered a miscarriage. The agony of not knowing whether or not you are going to maintain the pregnancy and have a healthy baby is horrible. I went back and forth many times between feeling encouraged that the baby was going to be fine and thinking that the baby had already died. If the latter was the case I just wanted the bleeding, cramping, and bedrest to end. I was willing to stay flat on my back for as long as it took if I knew the baby would be okay. It was the uncertainty, the not knowing, that was agonizing.

I have to say, early on when I first noticed the spotting I prayed to know if the baby was okay and I felt reassured that she was. I got a blessing the day it all started and Scott blessed me to heal and for my body to function perfectly. He blessed me with inspiration to know what I needed to do. I clung to this blessing, but am ashamed to say that when I was still bleeding the next day I questioned it. Was he inspired in what he said? Was he just saying what he wanted to happen? At one point I passed a pretty large blood clot. I had read on the internet a few womens’ experiences with miscarriage and wondered if I had actually just passed the baby. I panicked and ran to get a plastic cup to scoop it up and try to examine it. At the same time, my 4 year old was asking me questions: “Mom, are you still bleeding? What’s wrong? What are you doing?” It was driving me crazy in my panicked emotional state! Unfortunately (?) I wasn’t able to get the clot. So back to the internet I went and read that if the baby has already died, you won’t be producing the HCg hormone anymore and a pregnancy test will be negative. So I decided to use my last test to see. I was totally shocked to see the word "pregnant" on the test. Hmmm. Maybe it was just a blood clot after all-allbeit a big one. I used muscle-testing again to see if the baby was alive and okay and again I got a yes. My body just needed some healing/fixing for the bleeding to stop.

Scott called me a little while later (he was out shopping) and I updated him. He suggested I call a friend who had suffered through 4 miscarriages. While I was talking to him, the call waiting bleeped at me and it was this exact friend! I told her about it and she assured me that if it had been the baby I would know. It looks different than a blood clot. She said she passed clots larger than that and also that with her first full-term pregnancy she had actually bled and stayed in bed for two months. I didn’t like the thought of bed-rest for 2 months, but I was greatly encouraged that a woman could still go full-term and have a healthy baby even after bleeding for 2 months. Now, in a better frame of mind, it came very clearly to me that my uterus had some scar tissue that was contributing to the problem. My friend brainstormed with me and threw out ideas of what to do and who might be able to help. I wrote down her ideas and muscle tested them all. The testing indicated that reflexology and Dr. Christopher’s Complete Tissue & Bone would be the most helpful. I started rubbing the ointment on my abdomen and took the capsules.

The next day this wonderful friend came over after church and gave me a foot massage with the Complete Tissue & Bone massage oil. She is extremely gifted with the technique of reflexology and just seems to know where and exactly how to massage the foot. She focused on the area of the foot that corresponds to the uterus. I had many tender spots and lumps in that area. She worked on my feet for two hours, specifically my left foot since the left side of my uterus was where I had the greatest tenderness. I literally felt the tenderness in my uterus subside as she massaged. It was almost like my uterus gave a sigh of relief. I don’t know how else to describe the sensation. The bleeding also seemed to decrease a little bit.

However, the next day I was still bleeding and got discouraged again. I decided to listen to my Hypnobabies Special Place script and try to “meet” my baby again. However this time when I went “inside myself” to meet her I couldn’t seem to find her. It honestly felt like she was gone. I started crying and saying in my mind, “Where are you? Where are you?” It was absolutely frightening. (You’re all probably thinking I’m totally nuts by now.) It took me a few hours to get back to a good place where I was calm enough to pray and test again. It was then that the thought occurred to me that she was still alive and well, but she just needed to be with Heavenly Father for a while. I’ve often theorized that premortal spirits can come and go between the premortal world and their newly forming bodies. I came up with this theory (as far as I know it’s not doctrine) when I wondered why I felt the presence of some of my unborn children during their pregnancies and not at other times. I don’t pretend to know how it all works, but it makes sense to me.

I decided it was time for another blessing so my friend’s husband came over and helped Scott give me another blessing. This one was similar to the first one, but he also blessed me to feel calm so I could feel the Spirit. He blessed me to feel the presence of my son and father who had passed away. Then he blessed me to feel the baby’s spirit and to grow in love and unity with it. I felt a lot better after this and continued to pray to know what I needed to do.

The answer came the next day and was so obvious I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it sooner. The Body Code! Duh!! The Body Code is a program developed by a chiropractor named Dr. Bradley Nelson that quickly pinpoints imbalances in the body using muscle testing. You are then able to correct the imbalance with magnetic therapy. Some imbalances actually need specific foods, herbs, or supplements to correct the problem, but many of them can be corrected with magnets. Sounds totally crazy, I know. But I had had enough experience with it over the last 4 months to know that it actually does work. So anyway, I set to work and found 5 different imbalances that were causing the bleeding. The most interesting one was caused by the physical trauma of my c-section with Tyler. The bleeding slowed down considerably over the next 12 hours and I was ecstatic. Another success with The Body Code!

I have to interject here and mention that the main reason I was able to convince Scott that purchasing the Body Code Course would be worth it was the fact that Dr. Nelson claimed he had discovered a way to reduce or eliminate morning sickness. Most of my pregnancies have been pretty nauseous, at least for the first 2 trimesters. Scott has learned from experience I am not a happy camper when I’m nauseous. So as soon as I found out I was pregnant he agreed I could order the course. As soon as it arrived I went to the morning sickeness section and tested for the energetic connections between myself and the baby. Clearing up these disconnections has reduced, and in most cases, eliminated morning sickness for many women. I did what it said and only found one disconnection and cleared it up. I have never felt so good during a pregnancy. It is absolutely amazing to me. (If anyone is pregnant and nauseous and can’t find relief no matter what you try, I may be able to help you. The beauty of this program and energy work, in general, is that it can be done by proxy. I can literally do the testing for you and correct the disconnections without having to meet you in person. I hate for any woman to be nauseous during her pregnancy if she doesn't have to!)

Anyway, after clearing up the imbalances that were causing the bleeding I was feeling pretty good. And then that evening I got hit with a migraine. I tried every natural remedy I knew of but it only helped for a little while and the pain would come back. One of the first things I did was use the Body Code to find the imbalance. It was a pH problem. That made sense since I often get migraines when eating sugar or MSG. Sugar is a very acidic food. Even though I hadn't eaten any sweets, I did have spaghetti sauce that a neighbor had brought over for our dinner. (Commerical spaghetti sauce is loaded with sugar. I make my own for that reason.) I also had been 3 days without any green drinks. (Kind of hard to make when you can’t get out of bed for very long.) Anyway, I took some baking soda and water and ate a whole cucumber to try to correct the pH imbalance. It didn’t really help that I could tell. I had to resort to an ibuprofen to fall asleep that night. I hate that--I feel like such a natural mom failure when I have to resort to it. The next day the pain came back and was unbearable. It finally occurred to me that I had only checked for one imbalance so I set out to keep testing for imbalances until the pain was gone. Over the next hour, I found I had a total of 10 imbalances that were causing the migraine! It was so amazing because as I cleared each imbalance the pain would decrease a little bit. By the time I cleared the last one the pain was completely gone! I could hardly believe it. I wanted to kiss Dr. Bradley! Well, not really. I just said a very fervent thank you to Heavenly Father for inspiring him to come up with this program. I honestly feel like it is inspired of God. One other interesting thing is that one of the 10 imbalances contributing to my migraine had to do with my uterus. When the migraine first hit, I thought why now? Haven’t I suffered enough? But now, I think that migraine was providential. If I hadn’t been in such pain, I wouldn’t have been so diligent to keep testing for imbalances.

Well, sorry this is so long—it’s practically an epoch. I hope I haven’t just sounded like a commercial for The Body Code. I just am so excited for what it did for me that I want to share it with the world! I’m so thankful for the Lord’s guidance in all of this. And most of all, I’m ecstatic that I get to continue this pregnancy, and I can’t wait to meet this sweet baby at the end of it!

So Cool--Birth-Joy is in the "Top 50 Fabulous Pregnancy Blogs"

2010-09-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

I recognized many in the list, but didn't see Rixa's Stand and Deliver blog. How could they miss that one? It's the first one I go to when I want to learn something about pregnancy and birth. Lots more pregnancy/birth blogs to check out...wish I had more time. Here's the list if you want to check them out too.

While I'm flattered they chose my blog, I do think it is kind of ironic that both of the organizations that have chosen my natural birth blog as a "top birth/pregnancy blog" are medically oriented. This latest one is sonogram technicians and the other one is a medical coding organization. I think they just want to get their name and URL up on a lot more blogs by having us post their badge. Oh well, I'll take it. (Maybe I'm just a sucker for flattery?) On the other hand, if it helps spread my message about natural birth, homebirth, and alternative health care, I'm all for it.

On another note, I've got lots of news/info I've been wanting to write about but haven't had the time--hopefully it will be soon!

"To Not Circumcise or to Not Circumcise; There is No Question"

2010-08-31T13:12:00.000-07:00

This is an excellent article at Mothering.com on the circumcision issue. Kristen Marie Toutgates does a wonderful job of debunking the common rationales people use for allowing this barbaric practice to be performed on their newborn baby boys. I try to be somewhat tolerant and understanding of people's choice to choose when it comes to medicated birth, vaccines, and the standard American Diet (SAD), but when it comes to routine circumcision of baby boys, as one commenter said, "The bottom line is: it is a violation of a person’s human rights (and dignity) to disfigure their body without their willing consent."

This paragraph from the article goes into that in more depth:

"The “It’s a personal choice” issue. This topic is often, erroneously, considered a “personal choice” of the parent/s. While I do believe it should be a personal choice, I do not believe that choice should be the mother’s, but rather the baby’s when he is grown. It is not lawful for us as parents to remove any other body part on our child simply because we think it might be cleaner & we like how it looks better. When this procedure is done by doctors, it violates the Hippocratic Oath of “first do no harm” & when we as parents sit back & let this painful, harmful procedure be performed, we are violating our oath as parents to protect & honor our children. Technically, circumcision should already be illegal because it is unconstitutional to have a law that applies to females but not males. Females in the U.S. are protected from genital mutilation, but males are not (yet)."

Please read this article if you are a parent or will be someday. It is so very thorough and addresses all the reasons parents give for having it done. I admit, it is absolutely heartbreaking to read the truth about this procedure and its harmful effects if you have circumcised any of your children due to tradition and misinformation. I've been there, done that. But I will be eternally grateful that I have since listened to my instincts and learned the truth before I gave birth to my last two boys.

Why I Avoid Giving Birth in the Hospital

2010-08-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

This comes from an article posted by Barefoot Birth on Facebook.

‎"Most women I know who have chosen home birth have done so to avoid a 33% c-section rate (or more); a high rate of routine interventions, such as IV fluids, not being allowed to eat or drink, automatic breaking of the bag of waters, internal monitoring, and being confined to a bed; and a higher rate of episiotomies, vacuum or forceps, need for drugs during labor, serious lacerations, infection, and neonatal intensive care admissions. Who wouldn’t want to avoid that?"

What a great summary of why I don't feel safe giving birth in a hospital! Of course there are other reasons why I birth at home (click here for a fantastic and more thorough home vs. hospital comparison) and I have to say that I would go to a hospital if it was medically necessary. In the absence of true complications, however, home is definitely the place for me.

Why we can't shut up about natural birth

2010-08-26T11:04:00.001-07:00

These beautifully written paragraphs come from Heather Armstrong and articulate very well why so many women in the natural childbirth community love to tell friends, family and anyone who willl listen about the births of their children.

"I am sad for your birth not because I pity or judge you but because I wish for you to feel that which others have. I am sad when you walk away from your birth feeling like your baby was the only good thing about it and you are telling yourself they are all that mattered. I am sad when you walk away saying, “That was awful”. I am sad if you cannot bend over, if it hurts to cough or you can’t have sex with your partner for months because of what was done to you.

I wish for you to feel the way I did when my husband and I pulled Xan out of the water together. I wish for you to feel so much joy that you can feel its energy bursting from you. I wish for you to feel incredible, triumphant, so brilliantly happy that you can’t wait for someone to ask you how it went so you can feel it all over again as you retell your experience. I wish for your labour to have been comfortable and safe, where you were free to move around your house or take a walk outside, eat and drink what you wanted and not have to worry about time limits or how the people tried to tell you that your body wasn’t doing things “right”. I wish for you to count your birth as one of the best moments of your life, not just because you met your new child but also because they were so beautifully and peacefully brought into this world that you spent the rest of your days with a new respect for yourself.

Birth is amazing, and I wish for you to feel that way too."

Getting to Know my Baby

2010-08-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting experience yesterday. Even though I'm only about 6 weeks along, I decided to listen to my Hypnobabies Special Place track. I was exhausted and needed the deep relaxation I knew would come from listening to HB. At the point in the script where Kerry says to go deep inside yourself to where your baby is and meet your baby, I really got into it and felt like I was actually meeting her. It was very real. I could see myself holding her tiny 6 week old body in my hand. Then Kerry said, "Say your baby's name." So I did. I said the name I had picked out over a year ago. But something was wrong. Suddenly I knew that was not her name. Her name is not Summer (even though I have loved that name forever). In the same instant I knew what her name is. It is April.

How fitting that is. She'll be born in April and to me that month has always symbolized the Resurrection, New Life, the Joy of Spring after a long cold winter, and Reunion. Just like Joshua, Charles, and Talita, this baby wants to be given a name that will remind me of my Lord and Savior and His wonderful gifts to me. I also had the sense that this little soul is very sensitive, tender and delicate. Now the deep, instinctual desires I've had for an undisturbed lotus birth make even more sense.

These words by Mary Siever came to mind:

"The more people present in an earthly way, the more the spirit withdraws and the less beautiful the experience can be. Many people feel that they have a right to be present by virtue of employment or relationship and do not realize this. To them a baby being born is a medical event that is encircled by blood and amniotic fluid and emergency. But a baby is a spiritual being becoming a physical being. Their spirituality is more present at this time than their physicality and thus their passage into life needs to be gentle and loving so they are not crushed spiritually in the process."

So far I am really enjoying this pregnancy. I feel like I am more intuitive to her, to my body, and to the Lord. What a blessed gift all of this is!

The Placenta--Baby Connection

2010-08-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

LoveNaturalBirth.com talked with Sarah Buckley about lotus birth and they asked the same question I posed yesterday. Specifically they said,

"For those of us who thought about waiting for twenty minutes, it appears longer may be better. But that is why it’s important to delay cord cutting, but why exactly delay the cutting until it falls off naturally?
Dr. Sarah Buckley states that there are many important aspects to lotus birth, one of them she explains is what’s being discovered in primal therapy. She says, “In primal therapy it’s (the placenta is) like the baby’s first possession, the baby’s first object, the first other, even though actually genetically it’s made out of the same material of the baby, it’s part of the baby. But the baby experiences it as the other. And the ultrasound has seen babies licking the placenta and putting their head against the placenta.” What we are seeing is the baby is very sensitive to the handling of the placenta.

Many times babies will start to cry as soon as the doctor, midwife, or other person goes to cut or handle the cord. If we watch birth videos we can see that when the cord is cut is often the exact timing that the baby suddenly goes into distress, this can be emotional or physical. And according to Sarah, this continues on until after the cord has fallen off naturally.

In Sarah’s interview she shared her experience of being at a friend’s house where the baby was upset, and the placenta was cold, and after warming up the placenta the baby was once again calm and happy. What’s important to keep in mind is what our babies are communicating. Sometimes people are undecided about if they are really going to share this experience with their baby or not, but as soon as they start to handle the cord, they realize that baby is unhappy. If you are on the fence, leave some space for baby to have baby’s say. Just because they don’t have the words, doesn’t mean they aren’t communicating!"

I remember when it came time to cut the cord with each of my 3 homebirths, and each time I felt an instinct that said "No! I don't know why, but no!" but I always let my rational mind take over and I'd tell myself that the cord had stopped pulsing so it was okay. I'm still thinking about this emotional connection issue, but I'm becoming more inclined to give my baby the benefit of the doubt and let her decide when she doesn't need the placenta around any more.

One other interesting thing that came out of this interview was the issue of lotus birth versus placenta ingestion by the mother. Dr. Sarah Buckley states

"But I think as far as my point of view, through having three lotus births, I regard the placenta as belonging to the baby. So, personally, and this is my personal opinion, and other people are free to do what they want to do, but personally I would only do that in difficult circumstances because I really think the placenta belongs to the baby. I have heard of people who’ve done a bit of both, eat a little of the placenta and had a lotus birth. After a lotus birth it is pretty hard to care for a placenta so that it’s edible afterwards. I generally don’t recommend that people do that after a lotus birth."

When I first started feeling like this baby wanted a lotus birth, I remember feeling a little selfish for also wanting to dry and encapsulate the placenta for myself. I thought I was just being weird, but maybe my spirit was really trying to tell me something. Hmm... This is all very fascinating to me.

Seriously Considering Lotus Birth

2010-08-16T12:56:00.000-07:00

Ever since I read Sarah Buckley's article on Lotus birth, I have been much more open to the idea. I really feel like this baby wants this kind of a birth. Today I just read some very compelling paragraphs at http://www.lotusfertility.com/ that have all but convinced me this is what I want to do.

First, an explanation to what lotus birth is:

"Q: What is Lotus Birth exactly?

A: The practice of neonatal umbilical intactness - nonseverance of the umbilical cord - and absence of any potential portal of navel infection. The birth practice of the early American pioneers who produced some of the hardiest children known in American history... and valued everything they had. Also called "Umbilical Nonseverance." The baby, cord, and placenta are treated as one unit, as they are all originate from the same cellular source (egg and sperm).

This informed choice practice requests healthcare providers to follow the protocols of "Passive Management" of Third Stage Labor, and also forego invasive cord clamping. The baby is born and remains attached to its cord while the placenta is birthed. The baby's placenta-cord is kept in-situ with the baby, gently wrapped in cloth or kept in an uncovered bowl near the mother, and the cord is sometimes wrapped in silk ribbon up to the baby's belly. The cord quickly dries and shrinks in diameter, similar to sinew, and detaches often by the 3rd Postpartum day (but up to a week in certain humid indoor air conditions) leaving a perfect navel. Interestingly, extended-delayed cord clamping & severing (just waiting more than an hour after the baby's birth), results in quicker cord stump healing, with an average of only one week for detachment of the stump, which makes a big difference for diaper changing!"

Now, my favorite part:

"Q: Why bother to question cord-cutting protocols? Why change family traditions?

A: Care providers and parents who have experienced Lotus Birth babies observe that they are demonstrably more relaxed and peaceful babies who do not manifest the common (and stressful to baby and mother) 1 lb. newborn weight loss and breastfeeding jaundice that is associated with the first week of life after "normal" birth's cord cutting, particularly cord cutting within an hour of birth. These observations have yet to be studied by university hospital pediatrics, though hospital lotus births have taken place in Australia. Needless to say, a beneficial impact on child and family development is what motivates the exploration of non-severance options.

These intact Lotus babies lose no energy just trying to stabilize their systems in the early postpartum hours and this shows on all levels (relaxation, bountiful healthy weight gain, core muscle strength, fine & gross motor skills, and alert observation of the world around them). This could be called 'accelerated development' but that would be a misnomer: Lotus babies are simply undiminished by stress in a very stressful culture. Their greater capacity for relaxation, compared to nurslings who had early cord severance and placenta loss, is apparently a metabolic foundation for life, and makes teething and other developmental stages much less distressful. It could be concluded that Lotus birth gives babies lifelong coping skills."

An exaggeration? Maybe. But the more I read about it, the more I'm convinced Lotus Birth is nature's way of easing the transition from womb to outside world and giving a newborn baby every possible advantage to surviving and thriving in their new world.

No one can deny the "ick factor" involved in carrying around a deteriorating placenta for 3 days to a week, but despite that, I still want to do this for my baby. I just need to research how to reduce the unpleasant aspects.....

The article ends with this beautiful and interesting description of lotus-born babies: "Lotus babies typically grow, glow, and gaze with a uncommon infant VITALITY that brings total strangers to surprising spontaneous states of joy and reverance."

I say interesting because this was a common reaction to my baby Talita, who was not Lotus-born. She did have a peaceful homebirth, though. It begs the question: Are these noticeable characteristics in babies due to the non-severance of the cord? Or rather to the delayed cord clamping and the other gentle birth practices that usually go along with home-birth? I'd be interested to know the answer (although how could it ever be definitively ascertained?) because I'm also interested in the idea of drying and encapsulating the placenta for the maternal benefits of PPD reduction and increased milk production. Would the practice of delayed cord clamping for, say, 3 hours or so, and then placental ingestion be the best of both worlds? I mean, if the baby receives all the physiological benefits from the placenta within 3 hours, (I don't know if this is true or not) then why go through all that work of of managing the placenta for several days?

Talita did lose weight and she did get slightly jaundiced. Would that have changed if I had waited a couple of hours to cut her cord? Or would it have required a full lotus birth to eliminate those problems?

In absence of true research to determine the answers to these questions, I guess the decision to go full lotus or just delay the clamping for a few hours depends on how you view the metaphysical aspects of the placenta. I've read what I consider some pretty far-out ideas equating the placenta with guardian angels, with some cultures actually worshipping the placenta like a shrine. My own personal opinion is that this is misguided. However, I am intruigued at the fact that the placenta resembles the "Tree of Life" and I do seriously wonder how spiritually and emotionally attached the baby is to their placenta. Do babies really need and/or want to keep their placentas attached until they're ready to let it go? Or is this just a misguided new-agey idea that parents have come up with?

I guess I have more pondering, meditation, and prayer to do in order to know what is best for this sweet baby and what she actually wants me to do.

Family reactions

2010-08-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

I've decided to keep this pregnancy a secret from my extended family and friends for as long as possible. (I'm pretty sure that few, if any, of them read this blog. They think my health practices are a little eccentric to say the least.) I really want to tell a few friends who I know would be happy for me and supportive of it. However, at my age I realize that most people would be horrified to learn I was pregnant again. That's sad, but it's a part of our culture. Of course, considering how fast my tummy begins to protrude with each subsequent pregnancy, it may become obvious pretty fast. Nevertheless, I am determined to keep my happy little secret for as long as possible. I also want to keep my "bubble of peace" as strong and intact as possible.

When I showed my husband the pregnancy test I had a sudden and very determined thought that I was not going to allow anything negative to enter my mind about this pregnancy. I know that's easier said than done but so far so good! I feel that thought came from a higher source and I will do my best to follow it. I believe it's extremely important to my having a healthy, joyous pregnancy and birth.

When DH saw the test he closed his eyes and gave a little sigh, like "here we go again." But then he motioned for me to lie down next to him and told me he was genuinely happy and that he loved me. I know he was sincere. Although at times, I'm sure he wants to complain or make jokes about attending this child's high school graduation while walking with a cane, he refrains from doing that. He told me that the spirit has told him to accept it and grow with it. One thing about him I can say for certain: when he feels the spirit is telling him something, he obeys! I love that about him.

My son, Joshua, who is 6, almost 7, came into my room shortly after I found out and I was so excited I asked him to read the test (it was the ClearBlue brand that actually shows the word "pregnant") He didn't know what the word meant so I told him it means I have a baby in my tummy. His eyes got huge and he said "YES!" Later on he excitedly told his dad that "mom has a baby in her tummy!" He told him, "I know! I put it there!" I'm not sure what he thought about that....

When I told 4 year old Charles, he said with total astonishment, "Another one?" That was classic. I'm not really sure what my older kids think for sure. I think they are maybe not as enthusiastic as Joshy, knowing that it means potentially more work for them. I think my daughters are a little concerned I may be pregnant at their weddings. (Although neither are engaged right now.)

At any rate, I'm feeling great. The only pregnancy symptoms I have are having to pee all the time and a little fatigue in the late afternoon. I have energy, I am eating right--with a greater motivation than ever to do so--and absolutely love taking my walks up the canyon while listening to my "Joyful Pregnancy" affirmations. In fact I did that the morning I found out. It was just as wonderful and empowering and positive as I remembered. I love it!

Wow!

2010-08-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I awoke early to discover a surprising but joyous thing. At 45 years of age, the Lord has decided to bless me with one more child. The last 2 years have been somewhat of a roller coaster in that regard. Immediately after my 7th child was born, I kept saying, "I'm so glad that is the last time I have to do that!" Her birth was an amazing experience but I didn't feel the need or desire to have any more children or go through any more pregnancies. That lasted about 2 months. Then I began to feel sad that I would never experience that again. I even wrote a post titled "So hard to say goodbye" about the matter.

But then not long after I finally felt like I had come to terms with the idea of being done having babies I had a dream. I wrote about that dream and a subsequent one in the post "Baby Dreams--Divine Inspiration or my heart just wanting to do it one more time?" DH has been pretty opposed to the idea of adding to our family and so I have tried to give up on the idea. But periodically a spiritual impression would come that would help me to know that there really was one more child who wanted to come to our family. They were tender mercies of the Lord and filled me with hope, anticipation, and gratitude. Perhaps the best impression of all was that I didn't need to fret about DH's attitude because he would change his mind before the pregnancy would happen.

A couple of months ago he told me in a rare moment of peace and privacy that ever since he discovered the name I had picked out in case we had another little girl, he had gradually warmed up to the idea. At the exact moment he said this, myheart burned within me. I believe the Lord was telling me that He had answered my prayer and that this was His will.

I thought I would have a little more time to lose the rest of my baby fat, and for Talita to grow up a little more, but in remembering one of my recent dreams I realize that this baby is supposed to be born in the spring. I am so grateful for the Lord's guidance in my life and in His assurance that even at my age, I can have another healthy, joyous pregnancy and birth. YAY!

Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God

2010-08-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

I love this video's message. It'll make you laugh and cry.

What Babies Want: The Trailer for the Film

2010-06-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

I just watched this whole documentary on youtube. Great documentary! This clip is just the trailer.

Brave-Nichole Nordeman [LYRICS]

2010-06-09T19:43:00.000-07:00

I love this song...it feels like my theme song for the last 8 years.

Lynsey Stone Birth Photography - unassisted birth sample slideshow

2010-05-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

This is absolutely beautiful.

"Homebirth After Cesarean"

2010-02-17T10:00:00.000-08:00

In doing research for a friend I rediscovered this wonderful article written in Midwifery Today by Amy Haas. She addresses the whole VBAC issue, (uterine rupture risk, repeat cesarean risks, transfer rates, success rates in home and birthing centers vs. hospital), and summarizes the safety statistics for homebirth, VBAC, and cesarean section. She also mentions how to identify early warning signs for uterine rupture. She does an excellent job of exposing the flaws of the Washington Study that was the primary study used by ACOG in scaring women half to death with the risk of uterine rupture.

There was one statistic about electronic fetal monitoring (EFM) that I hadn't heard before and it is mind-boggling: EFM has a rate of 99.8% false positives for non-reassuring fetal heart rates. She concludes "EFM does not improve maternal or infant outcomes, but leads to more c-sections." Considering that nearly every hospital in the US relies heavily on EFM, it sheds some light on our current s-section rate, doesn't it?

The "You must be brave" comment

2010-01-03T17:06:00.000-08:00

This is a great post written by a fellow homebirth mom regarding the comment women who birth at home often receive from family members, friends, and strangers.

Here are some excerpts:

"I am not brave to birth at home. What is brave in my opinion is to entrust my body to someone else."

"What I have realized is that the brave comment often has nothing to do with being “brave” but is often just another way to say “I think you are crazy”. Whereas before I would answer with a confused face, now, I answer directly to that comment by saying that I think the brave people are those that go the hospital. It turns the table and brings up more questions about the things that I want to avoid. The power struggles, the hospital policies that have no basis in health reasons but simple bureaucracy, interventions that are still practices without any scientific backup and all the rest of the negatives of going to the hospital when trying to have a normal and natural birth."

"When most people talk about the things that can go wrong they are often talking abut things that are of direct consequence of standard interventions that are often not questioned, so bringing up those risks as a reason that I want to avoid the hospital setting often brings more insight than just saying that I want to avoid the interventions. Of course I know that things can go wrong, but that is why I would rather stay away from the place that holds the most risks and knowing what I know, that is in a hospital setting."

"It has nothing to do with being brave but with making an informed decision that I believe is best. It is about staying within my comfort zone and choosing what I believe is the safest place to give birth."

I couldn't agree more.

Why We Choose Homebirth

2009-12-20T17:33:00.000-08:00

I wrote this in response to a NICU nurse who, after witnessing the tragic death of a baby during a failed homebirth attempt, posted on Facebook her belief that women choosing homebirth are making a "stupid, stupid decision." I can understand her sadness and anger, but I wanted to explain the viewpoint of why women choose homebirth. It's for the very same reason other women choose hospital birth--they want the best outcomes for mom and baby.

I won't deny that things can go wrong during childbirth and that hospitals have saved many lives in those situations. I'm very grateful for medical technology when it is needed. And I completely agree that women who choose homebirth need to be self-educated with correct, unbiased information, use a qualified midwife with good judgment, and know when to seek medical attention if necessary. I think I would add one more "requirement" to having a safe homebirth. That is the ability of the mom and the midwife to recognize and follow inspiration. For my part, I never would have had the courage and trust to give birth at home had I not had the divine reassurance that all would go well. It was a reassurance that I sought several times throughout the pregnancy and also once labor started because I know that things can change quickly.

With that reassurance, I felt that giving birth at home would be safer for me and my baby than giving birth in a hospital. Contrary to the opinion of many in the medical community, most, if not all, women who choose to give birth at home are making that decision because they want the best outcome for mother and baby. We do this because we have learned through personal experience and a great deal of research that many of the routine medical interventions done to women in labor actually cause the very complications that we're all afraid of. Not always, but far too often the "perfect situation goes south" because of interventions like too much pitocin too fast, induction before baby is ready, pushing a baby out in the ineffective lithotomy position, sudden drop in blood pressure at the injection of an epidural, interference in the natural flow of oxytocin and endorphins when drugs are given, etc. My emergency c-section was iatrogenic in nature (medically caused). My c-section experience is a very common one and, sadly, it's becoming more common all the time. A cesearean rate of nearly 32% is evidence of that.

My wish is that the medical community would acknowledge and recognize that many of the routine interventions done in the hospital are not in the best interests of mom and baby. In the absence of true complications, nature is much better at delivering a healthy baby than when we interfere with the process. And actually even with minor complications, nature knows how to adjust and adapt as was the case with my daughter, Talita's, birth. Unfortunately, because of a lack of experience with truly natural childbirth, this viewpoint is not shared by most ob's and L&D nurses. If the unnecessary interventions were not pushed on women in labor, I believe you would see less women choosing to birth at home. Of course, I realize it's not always that simple because of the legal/political climate in this country. I don't put the blame on OB's and L&D nurses, necessarily. I believe that most of them truly want to do what is best for mom and baby and are instead restricted by malpractice insurance regulations. I think the risk of being sued is the major cause of the misuse and overapplication of medical interventions.

I think we can learn a lot from the countries who have a more balanced approach to childbirth and obstetrics. For example, in Holland, expectant women are carefully screened and only those who are high risk see obstetricians and deliver in the hospital (as well as those women who just want to deliver in the hospital and are willing to pay extra for it.) Women who are low risk use the care of a qualified midwife and deliver at home, but are within 15 minutes of a hospital. Flexibility and careful monitoring is used should a low risk woman become high risk. The maternal and infant mortality rates are much lower there than they are here in the US. For a country where 99% of women give birth in the hospital, why are we losing so many moms and babies? We have some of the worst maternal and infant mortality rates for a developed country. Why are women so "defective" here in the US that one third of them "can't" give birth vaginally? Something to think about.

The other thing I like about the Netherlands is the respectful working relationship between lay midwives and ob's. It's pretty hostile here in the US. I believe fewer moms and midwives would wait too long to transport to the hospital when necessary if they knew they would be treated respectfully, rather than with contempt and branded with labels like stupid, reckless, selfish, etc. As women we need to seek to understand where each other is coming from rather than blindly labeling women who choose differently than we might.

I'm passionate about this issue because I've lived both sides of it. I really just want all women to have strong, healthy babies and safe, empowering birth experiences. For me and my last 3 babies, that meant giving birth at home.

It wouldn't have to be that way if we all opened our minds and took a serious look at why more and more women are choosing to give birth at home. It's not to be "trendy" like the ACOG contends. We all just really want healthy, undrugged moms and babies and quicker recovery times. A "side benefit" is the truly wonderful and spiritual experience of peacefully and gently welcoming our children into the world.

Fantastic interview on the vaccine issue

2009-11-20T14:13:00.000-08:00

I just heard more common sense and intelligence (when it comes to vaccine theory) from the mouth of one man than I have ever heard in my life. In this interview with Dr. Palevesky, I learned more, and had more light bulbs come on than from anything I have heard or read on the issue. TOTALLY worth your time.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/11/14/Expert-Pediatrician-Exposes-Vaccine-Myths.aspx

"OBAMA ISSUES EMERGENCY DECLARATION TO BOOST VACCINE USAGE"

2009-10-30T11:47:00.000-07:00

This wake-up call about the reality of the swine flu "epidemic" comes from the editor of World Affairs Briefs:
"The technical issue behind Obama's dramatic and false declaration of a national swine flu emergency was to facilitate Medicare repayments to doctors and hospitals-no big deal. But the actual intention and effect was to add another log on the fire of fear the government and media is creating to induce more people to take the Swine Flu vaccine. You can't get through a single session of the morning or evening news without being pummeled with more propaganda on the virtues of getting these shots. They are even peddling claims of a vaccine shortage to make people clamor for it. If people are this gullible, heaven help us in a real crisis. The real story is otherwise--there is no shortage because the vast majority of Americans are evading the shot. More and more Americans understand that the risk of side effects and permanent damage from the vaccine is greater than the effects of the flu. That's why the government is pumping up fear by proclaiming a flu emergency when none really exists. Sure, most people know someone with the swine flu, but it's still relatively mild and can be overcome without hospital intervention. Most people have figured out that the threat is way overblown. In fact, the CDC flu statistics being presented by government are outright deceptive. In his declaration Obama claimed, "H1N1 is more widespread now than it's ever been [so is any disease over time]. Health authorities say almost 100 children have died from the flu, and 46 states now have widespread flu activity. Worldwide, more than 5,000 people have reportedly died from swine flu since it emerged this year and developed into a global epidemic [hardly an epidemic when these figures don't even approach the usual death rate for ordinary flu and pneumonia], the World Health Organization said Friday. Since most countries have stopped counting individual swine flu cases, the figure is considered an underestimate." --Easy to say when you stop counting and never did do specific testing on the vast majority of people claimed to have the Swine flu. Dr. Joseph Mercola catalogs the contradictions: "A three-month-long investigation by CBS News, released earlier this week that included state-by-state test results, revealed some very different facts. The CBS study found that H1N1 flu cases are NOT as prevalent as feared. 'If you've been diagnosed 'probable' or 'presumed' 2009 H1N1 or 'swine flu' in recent months, you may be surprised to know this: odds are you didn't have H1N1 flu. In fact, you probably didn't have flu at all.' Obviously CBS News and the CDC are completely contradicting each other. So who is right?"CBS reports that in late July 2009 the CDC advised states to STOP testing for H1N1 flu, and they also stopped counting individual cases. Their rationale for this, according to CBS News, was that it was a waste of resources to test for H1N1 flu because it was already confirmed as an epidemic... every person who visited their physician with flu-like symptoms since late July was assumed to have H1N1, with no testing necessary because, after all, there's an epidemic."It's interesting to note that at the same time... Finnish health authorities actually downgraded the threat of swine flu... As the CDC continues to use fear to motivate and control Americans with their worst-case swine flu scenarios, they say nothing of the experience of those in the southern hemisphere, which just finished their flu season and found it was not as bad as expected."Before beginning their investigation, CBS News asked the CDC for state-by-state test results prior to their halting of testing and tracking. The CDC did not initially respond so CBS went to all 50 states directly, asking for their statistics on state lab-confirmed H1N1 prior to the halt of individual testing and counting in July. 'The results reveal a pattern that surprised a number of health care professionals we consulted. The vast majority of cases were negative for H1N1 as well as seasonal flu, despite the fact that many states were specifically testing patients deemed to be most likely to have H1N1 flu, based on symptoms and risk factors, such as travel to Mexico.' "...not only are most cases of suspected flu-like illnesses not H1N1, they're not even the flu but more likely some type of cold or upper respiratory infection! Most states show 1-2% swine flu, 5-10% regular flu and 85-90% cold, upper respiratory symptoms--NOT FLU." Some epidemic!"

"Modern medicine" may well be defined as "the experimental study of what happens when poisonous chemicals are placed into malnourished human bodies."

2009-10-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

I like this quote by A. Saul, Contributing Editor, Journal of Orthomolecular Medicine. It pretty much sums up my feelings, especially as I've done more research into the vaccine issue lately.

I also like this quote by Roger Eichman, DDS (speaking of dental mercury, coincidentally) said, "The precautionary principle requires action once the possibility of harm exists. It does not require proof beyond a shadow of a doubt." Unfortunately, our current medical system keeps saying that until there is substantial and unequivocal proof that mercury or thimerosol harms the brain, we can keep saying that vaccines and mercury dental fillings are safe.

Along the same lines I just came across some information that says that the CDC actually has known for a long time of the damage caused by mercury, but buried the information. Because of the Freedom of Information Act, this buried study has been brought forth.

From Dr. Mercola's site:
The Age of Autism asks a very good question: If this finding is so clear, why has the CDC’s vaccine safety apparatus not found the same thing?
According to Age of Autism:
“The answer, of course, is that they have.
In their very first examination of the risk of thimerosal exposure in infants, the single most startling finding was this: infants who received the largest exposure of thimerosal in the first month of life showed the highest risk of autism and several other NDDs.
Buried deep in a pile of statistical tables that SafeMinds received under FOIA was a risk analysis conducted by CDC analyst Thomas Verstraeten, showing statistically significant risk multiples for the most exposed infants.
These ranged from 5 times the risk of unexposed infants in the case of sleep disorders to 11.5 times for autism.
What happened to the CDC findings that are now forcing us to rediscover the risk of thimerosal-containing birth doses of HBV in monkeys?
The answer is simple. The CDC team simply censored the data. Infants with the highest levels of thimerosal exposure--those who had received both the HBV and hepatitis B immune globulins--were simply removed from the study sample.” [Emphasis mine]
So according to the CDC’s own research data, the risk of autism from thimerosal-containing vaccines is even far greater than any independent studies have yet to come up with!
Mark Blaxill (the Editor-at-Large for Age of Autism and a Director of Safeminds) summarized the data obtained from the CDC through the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA), which you can find at this link.

FYI: Even though most childhood vaccines no longer contain thimerosol, the multi-dose flu shots still do, including the swine flu vaccine.

Swine Flu update

2009-10-21T15:25:00.000-07:00

This is an excellent video interview with Barbara Loe Fisher, the founder of NVIC (National Vaccine Information Center.) Even if you believe vaccines work, she asks some fundamental questions that all of us should be asking.

“To sin by silence when there is a duty to protect makes cowards of men.”

2009-10-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

This quote by Abraham Lincoln has been haunting me lately. Then this morning I saw a Deseret News article showing 700 people lining up at the county health department to get their flu shot. It made me crazy and pushed me over the edge of silence. So I’ve decided, come heck or highwater, I have to say something about the seasonal and swine flu vaccines that are being heavily promoted right now by everyone from school health officials to the mainstream media, to our own "beloved" government.

First, let me say that my first 3 children were fully vaccinated up through elementary school. My 4th was partially vaccinated, and my last three have received no vaccines at all.

Over several years now I have read countless books and web pages on the vaccine issue. I’ve found that those who are pro-vaccine have not read anything (or very little) about the history of vaccines and the standard ingredients in them (mercury, aluminum, formaldehyde, foreign proteins from diseased monkey kidneys, aborted human fetal tissue, etc).

Instead they’ve relied on their doctors for vaccine information. (Which, by the way, is like asking a used car salesman if he ever sells bad cars.) By contrast, those people I’ve met and talked to who have chosen not to vaccinate have read and researched extensively on the vaccine issue.

My plea is this: please educate yourself about vaccines. Especially this most recent, fast-tracked, very little tested swine flu vaccine. Pay attention to the source of the information. Do they have a monetary or power stake in the issue? Is their medical or authoritative reputation on the line? For example, did you know that all of the recent "studies" showing no link between autism and vaccines were either performed or funded by the vaccine manufacturers? Or that the studies showing significant correlation were all independent studies?

Did you know that the CDC’s own data show that all diseases for which we have vaccines for were already in significant decline before the vaccines were introduced? We have improved sanitation, nutrition, etc. to credit for the eradication of these diseases, not toxic serums that have produced billions of dollars for the pharmaceutical industry.

Did you know that there was a swine flu "scare" in 1976 and the government heavily promoted the vaccine only to have many people suffer neurological damage and some even die as a result of the vaccine? Back then, the families who were able to sue were awarded millions of dollars for their injuries. Now, because of The Biodefense and Pandemic Act of 2006, Americans have lost the right to a jury trial if harmed by an experimental drug or vaccine during a declared pandemic. Ever wonder why they were so quick to declare a pandemic last spring when the swine flu seemed so mild?

Did you know that the first vaccine manufacturer to patent the H1N1 swine flu vaccine did so before the swine flu outbreak in Mexico? This is very interesting considering that swine and bird flus don’t genetically mix on their own.

Did you know that in recommending that pregnant women receive 2 doses of the seasonal flu shot and 2 doses of the swine flu shot, the CDC is going against stated FDA and manufacturer warnings? Or that the amount of mercury (thimersol) in one flu shot is 25 times the EPA's safe level?

I could go on and on, but I won’t. Instead I’ll give you some links to get you started on your vaccine education. These are reputable sites, many of them by doctors who have decided to open their minds and do a little research rather than relying on the drug company representatives for their information. Other sites were started by parents of vaccine-damaged children. Most, if not all, are non-profit organizations. They are not trying to make any money. They just want to warn and educate other parents so they don’t have to endure the heartbreak of seeing their children go from healthy to autistic shortly after receiving a vaccine, or at the very least, contract the very illness they are vaccinated against.

Please keep an open mind, and whatever you do, don’t go line up for a flu shot before reading some of this information and then praying about it. Yes, the swine flu is real and it’s not fun, but it’s nothing compared to lifelong neurological damage and/or autoimmune diseases. And there are natural ways to overcome the swine flu more quickly than just suffering through it (we got over it in 2 days) or taking Tamiflu (a drug that was taken off the market in Japan because of its dangerous side effects.)

If, after educating yourself and praying about it, (if you're religious) you decide to vaccinate, fine. That’s your choice. The decision to vaccinate or not is one I would never want to take away from anyone. I, however, will be able to sleep at night, knowing I at least said something to get you thinking and questioning.

Here are the links:
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/10/20/Mild-Swine-Flu-and-Over-Hyped-Vaccine.aspx
http://www.vaccinationdebate.com/ This one answers a lot of questions.
http://www.tennantinstitute.com/TIIM_MAC/Newsletters.html (Click on the link to the newsletter titled "Vaccines, Will They Harm You?" It’s very thorough and well-referenced.)
http://www.drtenpenny.com/
http://www.vaclib.org/
http://www.nvic.org/
http://www.informedchoice.info/cocktail.html

http://www.naturalnews.com/

http://www.mercola.com/article/vaccines/links.htm
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2002/12/30/dtp_vaccine.aspx

Just need to vent...

2009-10-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

I haven't read any birth blogs for a long, long time--probably months. I have really missed it, but my life is so crazy-busy that I just haven't had the time to indulge in it.

I'm happy and sad today. Happy that my niece gave birth to a healthy baby, but sad that I procrastinated on my intentions to encourage and educate her on how to have a natural birth (well, at least a vaginal delivery.) I don't know all the details but I'm pretty certain she ended up scheduling an elective c-section. Her first baby was a necessary c-section (placental deterioration at 37 or so weeks). My mom had told me that she was trying for a "natural" delivery. After seeing the documentary "Pregnant in America" I knew that "natural" to many people just means not a c-section. Anyway, when I heard that she wanted to try for a natural birth, I wanted to give her some encouragement and tips on how to avoid a repeat c-section. Such as, let labor start on its own, don't go to the hospital til labor is well established so they can't push pitocin, avoid an epidural if possible, push in upright positions, etc.

In fact, yesterday morning I kept thinking about her and that I really needed to write to her but I had so much to do that I told myself I'd write to her before going to bed that night. Well, it didn't happen (I can't stay up all night doing things.) This morning the urgency in contacting her was gone. I thought maybe it's too late. Then, no, I'm just making that up. Well, I finally allowed myself to get on my computer this evening and check Facebook. She had a chubby 8 1/2 pound baby boy this morning. Yesterday she had posted that she was going to have her baby the next morning. To me that says scheduled c-section. If it was just a labor induction, she wouldn't have said morning. I'm truly happy for her that she had a healthy baby, but I can't help feeling like I failed her in her original desire to have a natural birth. She may not have listened to me anyway (my family thinks I'm a nutcase when it comes to birth, especially her mom.) But I would have at least felt like I tried.

I get so mad when I think about our screwed up obstetric profession and the lies/exaggerations they must have told her to convince her an elective c-section was for the best. Such as, c-sections are so safe nowadays, your baby is getting too big, your cervix won't dilate on its own, since you've had a previous c-section you are at risk for uterine rupture, etc, etc, ad nauseum.

What makes it worse is that exactly one year ago to the day (Oct. 13, 2008) my neighbor and friend gave birth to her second boy by scheduled c-section. I had also procrastinated talking to her even though I felt prompted to because I was afraid of offending her or having her feel like I was butting into her life uninvited. When I learned she had an elective c-section I had felt sick about that (especially since she had breastfeeding problems and weaned early) and vowed to not ignore promptings like that again. I obviously haven't learned that lesson yet. =(

My baby's one!

2009-09-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

Enjoying that birthday cake...

"You Should Be Grateful" essay

2009-09-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

This is a great essay written by Gretchen Humphries about the line that all mothers get from people when they talk about their c-sections. I especially resonated with this paragraph:

Then I began to realize how evil it is to tell a woman who’s experienced a physically or emotionally traumatic birth that she should be grateful because when you say that, she hears that she isn’t grateful enough for the precious baby she’s been given. And that cuts to the quick. She may already be wondering what was wrong with her that she couldn’t have a normal birth and now you’ve told her that she doesn’t love her child enough. It is evil to say "all that matters is a healthy baby" because you are saying that her pain, her damage doesn’t matter. You are telling her that not only is her body broken, but so is her mind. That if she is physically healthy, that’s all that matters, and to be concerned with anything else is somehow wrong. That the means to the end doesn’t matter, she is expendable.

I was never able to put that feeling into words, but Gretchen has done a wonderful job of articulating these feelings that all of us mothers who have had tramautic births have felt but not been able to put into words. Be sure to read the whole essay.

Reducing Infant Mortality in the U.S.

2009-08-26T13:03:00.000-07:00

This video has some powerful answers for the high infant mortality problem in the U.S. It includes interviews with Sarah Buckley and Marsden Wagner. YAY midwives!

Reducing Infant Mortality from Debby Takikawa on Vimeo.

"Birth Matters Virginia"

2009-07-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

I found out about this educational birth video contest on Mamas and Babies birth blog. They have a list of all the finalists and links to the videos. My favorite (so far) is called "Natural Born Babies." It's a two parter. Click here for Part 1. Click here for Part 2.
They've all been fun to watch, but this one is so well done. I just loved it!

An absolutely stunning birth slideshow

2009-06-25T15:35:00.000-07:00

This is absolutely beautiful. I love how it captures the work and anguish of birthing a baby and then the ecstasy of holding that live, healthy baby--the delicious fruit of all that labor. It's extremely well done. Makes me wish I'd had a professional photographer at my babies' birth to capture such extraordinary moments!

"Staying Home: Why and What If?"

2009-06-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

I found this great post on another birth blog that answers the questions of "Why homebirth?" and "What if something happens? " She articulates so well the very same reasons I chose homebirth and how I dealt with my questions and fears of "what if something goes wrong?"

"I’ve been planning a few Q&A posts to answer questions I am frequently asked. This first post will examine two questions that tend to come together. How did you decide to have your babies at home? What if something happens?

The answer to the first is fairly short, but needs some explaining. I decided to have my babies at home because statistically, it is the safest place to give birth. Though I enjoy stories, opinions and philosophies of childbirth, I’m more of a numbers person when it comes to making decisions that impact my health or that of my children. I’ve spent a fair amount of time looking at research on childbirth statistics and outcomes. Interestingly, every study out there shows that midwife-attended homebirths have better outcomes compared to hospital births.
Better outcomes outside of the hospital? How could that be? What if something goes wrong? It is true, there are risks involved with homebirth, but there are also risks involved with hospital birth. The most recent and largest (to date) study examining the two was published by the British Medical Journal (BMJ) in 2005. The conclusion? Planned home birth for low risk women using Certified Professional Midwives was associated with lower rates of medical intervention and no higher likelihood of death than that of low risk hospital births in the United States." This was an important piece of research because it is the largest homebirth study that also matched women for risk (meaning the hospital births were of low-risk women who would have qualified for birth at home).
This may not make sense at first, especially with all of those emergency cesarean stories we've all heard. With so many emergencies, how could it be safer to birth outside of a hospital? Pay attention, the next time you hear one of those stories, chances are, the emergency was preceded by an intervention of some sort. Common examples: Labor wasn't going quickly enough so we started pitocin and then the baby crashed and we needed and emergency cesarean. After they did several internal exams and broke my water (both increase the likelihood of infection), the mother got a fever and the baby's heart rate sky-rocketed so we needed an emergency cesarean. She got an epidural and the baby’s heart rate dropped. They put on an oxygen mask, gave her a shot of something and had her rolling from side to side, but the baby didn't recover and we needed an emergency cesarean. Hearing story after story like that, hospital birth does sound dangerous.
But sudden reactions to medications and invasive procedures don't exist at home because the medication and procedures that cause them are not used in the first place. In the absence of medical intervention, the majority of complications in childbirth arise slowly with plenty of time to notice them and seek medical care, if necessary. Common examples: The baby gradually becomes less tolerant of labor. Labor is prolonged and the mother begins to wear out. When non-emergent complications do arise at a homebirth, a skilled midwife can help resolve them through a variety of non-medical techniques; she can also provide some medical treatments like, oxygen for neo-natal resuscitation or drugs to manage hemorrhage. In the rare event that a complication cannot be handled at home, she has a transport plan and will recommend transfer to a hospital (in the BMJ study 12.1% of the homebirth group transferred to the hospital, but less than half of a percentage of women had urgent transfers).
Looking at the BMJ study, the effectiveness of this gentle approach to complications was clear:Induction or Augmentation of labor (with pitocin or prostaglandins) 4.8% vs. 39.9%Episiotomy 2.1% vs. 33.0%Cesarean Section 3.7% vs. 19.0% (it is worth mentioning that the national cesarean rate is now over 30%)
With so many risky interventions at hospitals and no improvement in outcomes, many women planning hospital births also like to "stay home as long as possible" to reduce the likelihood of unnecessary intervention. I guess my preference is to stay home as long as possible too. I just prefer to do it with a skilled attendant present to catch any signs of trouble. If my midwife recommends transferring or I just feel I would rather be at a hospital, I can always go. But if not, staying home as long as possible turns into just staying home.
As I ponder homebirth, privacy, comfort, support, convenience and a positive birth experience have been nice perks, but they are not the reason I stay home. I stay home because I know the risk of death is the same in or out of the hospital, but the risk of injury, infection and intervention are significantly lower at home. I prefer my body and my baby to be uninjured, uninfected and left alone and that is why Johannes and Willem were born at home.
You can learn more about midwives and homebirth here. Full results of the BMJ study."

Another Reason to Avoid an Epidural

2009-06-17T13:02:00.000-07:00

I was reading a post on Optimal Fetal Positioning on a blog called "Doula momma." Because of her own baby's malpresentation that resulted in an emergency c-section, this woman subsequently did lots of research on fetal malpresentation with the intention of avoiding such a situation again. She learned many things she could have done differently such as better nutrition, regular exercise and proper posture. These things I already knew about, but what was most interesting to me was a research study that a reader sent her that found that epidurals significantly increased the rate of malpresentation.

Here's the conclusion of the study: "Significance for Normal Birth: Epidural use increases the risk of instrumental (forceps or vacuum) delivery in first-time mothers. Experts have proposed various reasons for this association, including diminished urge to push and changes in the tone of the pelvic floor muscles that inhibit proper rotation of the fetal head. Letting the epidural "wear off" has been thought to increase the likelihood of unassisted vaginal birth, however, this systematic review calls into question that common practice.

In normal birth, there are complex hormonal shifts that help labor progress and facilitate delivery. The laboring woman produces natural endorphins that help her manage the pain of labor. Her ability to move freely and assume a variety of positions while pushing work in concert with these hormonal changes. Epidural analgesia numbs the sensations of birth, and the production of natural endorphins ceases as a result of the disruption of the hormonal feedback system. When the epidural is discontinued, the woman's pain returns but her natural endorphins may remain diminished and therefore her pain may be greater than if the epidural had not been given in the first place. Furthermore, when an epidural is administered, the woman is usually confined to bed and attached to fetal monitors and an intravenous line. The woman and provider may become accustomed to laboring in the bed attached to machines. When the epidural is discontinued the restrictions! on her movement may persist. Under these conditions, it is likely that the impact of an epidural on normal birth may outlast the epidural itself."

Two of my own conclusions: First, given that most women giving birth in the hospital receive epidural anesthesia, it makes sense to me that this could be one very common reason so many women are having malpositioned babies that result in "failure to progress" and the subsequent c-section.

Second, every pregnant woman needs to learn during her pregnancy how to encourage her baby to be in the optimal position through proper nutrition, exercise, and posture. It's really sad that not only do most OB's never discuss this with their patients, they probably wouldn't even know what to tell their patients if they wanted to, as this woman learned when she researched what OB's learn at medical school in relation to OFP. (Another plug for Hypnobabies: the classses and the homestudy manual go in depth on how to encourage OFP. ) Check out Doula Mamma's post to learn more. It's very informative.

2009-06-11T18:35:00.000-07:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

OK, so this is kind of a repeat, but the first one came out pixelated, so I just had to improve upon it. =)

Another Blog Discovery

2009-06-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

I've come across a very interesting blog called Man-Nurse Diaries. He's a student neuro-trauma nurse in Chicago and a father of four children, all born at home. He recently posted an eye-opening account of a woman who almost bled to death from a cesarean. He points out how today's medical community seriously downplay the risks of this major abdominal surgery while overplaying the risks of VBAC and vaginal breech delivery. It's a must-read.

In another recent post he writes about the homebirth debate. My favorite part is where he discusses the ridiculousness of the current obstetric system in the US where healthy, low-risk women see specialists (obstetricians) for pregnancy and birth. Here's a great quote:

" It seems inefficient to train physicians for years to achieve a high level of emergency obstetric skill, in order to attend births which generally don't require any of those skills. I think this artificially raises the intervention rate on normal births (as a doc said the other day at work, when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail), as well as ill side effects of those interventions. Not only would it lower the intervention rate and probably make birth safer if we handed normal births over to midwives, but it would be a better division of labor and resources. Critical care physicians don't spent 95% of their time seeing healthy adult patients in a family practice clinic. Medicine has already divided critical care from family practice in order to become more efficient and provide more appropriate care. So I don't see why critically-skilled obstetricians devote their time to the 95% of births which are normal and uncomplicated. And no insurance company would pay for you to go see an intensivist if you're healthy and just have the common cold. If insurance companies weren't paying all women to get high-tech obstetric care, my insurance premiums would probably be lower.

Dividing labor (pun intended) between emergency/high-risk obstetrics and midwifery would also produce a better integration between the two, which would be better for those of us (like my wife) who do home birth. There's no reason on earth why most women can't birth at home. There's also no reason why women who choose to birth at home should be treated like second-class patients if they do require emergency obstetric skill. I'm sure if I ever have to transport my wife, even if it's to a hospital I work at, we'll be treated like we have three heads. It's a shame. But I don't think good, patient-friendly integration will ever happen if obstetricians (and their hospitals) are fighting with midwives for the same market. "

Very good points indeed!

Three Great Birth Documentary Screenings Coming to American Fork, UT

2009-05-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

Melissa Chappell (the doula who filmed Charles' birth) has managed to arrange the screenings of Orgasmic Birth, The Business of Being Born, and Pregnant in America to occur in American Fork, Utah on June 13th. I think this is awesome. I'm tempted to go even though I have 2 of the 3 films on DVD. I'd love to be there with other like-minded mamas and hear the special guest speaker--Orgasmic Birth's producer. Click here for more info.

A Consent Form For Your Doctor

2009-05-26T20:37:00.000-07:00

This frustrated mama wrote the most brilliant "consent form" for her OB to sign. I love it!

"What Heaven Sees In You" slideshow

2009-05-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to make this for a long time, and I'm so happy to finally get it done! I had to crop the song, so the ending kind of sounds unfinished, but it would take way too many hours to try to get just the right end chord added to the song. Anyway, hope you like it. When I finally viewed the finished product, it brought tears to my eyes! (But when it's my kids, that's not hard to do.)

Amazing Birth Story

2009-05-14T15:58:00.000-07:00

I just read an extremely powerful birth story on Rixa's blog. If you've ever wondered why natural childbirth people are so passionate about what they believe, you owe it to yourself to read this story. It's written by a doctor and at the end of the story she proposes what could have happened had she used the more traditional medicalized approach. The comparison to what actually happened to what usually happens is very powerful.

The other thing about this story that I love is how a pampered, complaining, unwed, pregnant teenager transforms into an educated, determined, assertive, powerful young mother who falls totally and completely in love with her newborn baby. Is there any doubt that she will do everything in her power to protect and raise that child the very best she can?

If all women were allowed and encouraged to make such a journey, what a different world we would have!

Baby Dreams--Divine Inspiration or just my heart wanting to do it one more time?

2009-05-09T11:56:00.000-07:00

I've had two dreams in the last few months that have really got me wondering. When the first dream came I had recently written the blog post titled "So hard to say good-bye." I fellt like I had finally come to terms with the idea of being done at 7 kids.

And then I dreamed Scott and I were talking to someone about the joys of pregnancy, homebirth and babies. I remember saying enthusiastically "That's why we had EIGHT children!" I immediately woke up and thought "WHAAAAT! Where did that come from?" Was this inspiration or my heart not wanting to give up on the idea of doing it one more time? That day I concluded it was just my own thinking, and that the dream had no real significance, but as time has gone by I've wondered if the Spirit was trying to say "Wait a minute--don't be so sure you're done." However I didn't allow myself to seriously consider that possibility until I had the second dream.

In the second dream I dreamed that Talita had a twin sister but that we were so enamored with Talita we forgot all about her sister. When I remembered I felt horrible and ran to this other baby girl. But when I found her, she had no name, and even her face seemed to be a blank. I woke up right then and Scott told me that he had been lying there trying to come up with a spiritual thought for his stake presidency meeting. For some reson he started thinking about how much I have grown to love the experience of pregnancy and birth. However he feels overwhelmed at times with the work involved with taking care of the kids we have already. I sometimes do too but know that it's temporary.

Since it took place at exactly the same time, I wondered if my second dream was influenced by Scott's musings (if that's even possible?) Or was the dream just a manifestation of my own desires and fears? OR is there another little girl for us that we just didn't realize because we have been so focused on getting Talita here? Scott and my logical brain shout "NO, NO, NO!" But my mommyheart says a great big warm and fuzzy "YES!"

"Ecstatic Birth--Nature's Hormonal Blueprint for Labor"

2009-04-27T12:34:00.000-07:00

This is by far the best article I have read explaining the complex interplay of hormones during labor, birth, and the early postpartum period. Written by a doctor (Sarah Buckley) it also details the damaging effects of commonly used drugs during labor on these hormones and the birth process. As I read and reflected on my own 7 labors and births I realized that my experiences totally confirmed what she was saying. I feel sadness and remorse for the births where drugs were involved and gratitude and joy for the births that were allowed to happen drug-free and relatively undisturbed. How I wish every woman would read this without having to make the same mistakes I did with my first 4 births. The sad reality is that close to 80% of women in America are using these drugs during their labors and births and being mistakenly assured by the medical profession that they are perfectly safe for them and their babies. The article ends with this well-said summary by Dutch professor of obstetrics G. Kloosterman:

"Spontaneous labour in a normal woman is an event marked by a number of processes so complicated and so perfectly attuned to each other that any interference will only detract from the optimal character. The only thing required from the bystanders is that they show respect for this awe-inspiring process by complying with the first rule of medicine--nil nocere [Do no harm]."

A Midwife’s Experience with Hypnobabies

2009-04-07T09:02:00.000-07:00

I just had to repost this here as some great examples of how wonderfully well Hypnobabies helps moms have faster, easier births and also how empowering natural childbirth and home birth can be.

"I have been a Hypnobabies instructor for a year now and would like to share some of my experiences. I have taught three classes (actually in the middle of one). I am a home birth midwife and all of my Hypnobabies students have been my clients, except for one couple planning a hospital birth.

First class:
One hospital couple, the other two couples were my clients, planning a home birth. All of them were first time mothers,and all of them had good experiences using Hypnobabies. The hospital couple used their hypnosis and avoided all medications.

One of the home birth mothers used hypnosis during 24 hours of pre-birthing waves. By the time she was 3 centimeters, she was well rested and nourished. That was at 10 pm. When a mother is 3 centimeters, I ask them to get some sleep if they can. I remind them to put their Hypnobabies CD on, and this is what this mother did. During the night, I got up a few times to check the baby’s heart tones. The mother was resting well. She got up at 9 am the next morning, and when I checked her she was 8 centimeters. She had her baby two hours later.

The second home birth mother was also able to rest through the night using Hypnobabies. In fact, I missed the birth. She had called me at 1:00 am with pressure wasves every 10 minutes lasting 30 seconds. I reminded her to listen to her CD, use her hypnosis and get some rest. She was asked to call me as soon as things changed. Her husband called me at 6:30 am and told me the pressure waves just started to be 5 minutes apart, lasting 60 seconds. I was on my way when he called back 25 minutes later and said he saw the bag of waters bulging. I then heard the mother pushing. Five minutes later, she pushed her baby out. She pushed for a total of five minutes. When I arrived, I asked her if she used Hypnobabies during the night. She said, “Oh yes. It helpd me rest and relax really well. I even slept.”

Second class: Three couples, all home birth.

The first mother didn’t practice her hypnosis much, so she did not use it during her birth. Though, she did fine (VBAC).

The second mother practiced a lot (first time mother), and she used it through 24 hours of pre-birthing waves to help her rest, relax and sleep. By the time I saw her, she was 3 centimeters. She went from 3 centimeters to 8 centimeters in 20 minutes, and had her baby soon after that. She felt that Hypnobabies helped her tremendously through the prebirthing waves.

The third mother (third vaginal birth), who just gave birth today, used her hypnosis throughout her birthing time. She relaxed beautifully.

I have 5 couples in the third class, an we are half way through. They are all first time mothers. I can’t wait to see how they do.

I have been a home birth midwife for over 25 years now. Hypnobabies is amazing for these women! The big difference between teaching home birth couples versus hospital couples is that home birthers already feel empowered, educated and well informed. They don’t have to fight the system. Also, they don’t seem to like the bubble of peace very much. When people approach them with negativity about home birth horror stories, they WANT to say something. And, they do. They feel empowered doing so.
It is such a blessing to be involved with strong, powerful women!"

Carolyn Drake

Rixa's blog

2009-04-01T21:03:00.001-07:00

I just can't say enough good about this blog. (It's "Stand and Deliver" in my blog list.) She covers some really important issues regarding childbirth in America. Her latest posts: "Cesearean Section and VBAC--Again" and "Cesearean Section and VBAC--Yet Again" contain links to some very well written and thorough articles on the VBAC and cesearean issue. Rixa, herself is very well spoken and well-read. I'm enjoying her dissertation although it's taking me a while to get through it.

The VBAC issue hits very close to home for me--my 3rd child was born by cesearean section because of an artificial pitocin induction at 38.5 weeks. It changed my future options for all subsequent births and was the catalyst for my research into homebirth. Very important reading for anyone of childbearing age!!!!

2009-03-13T11:57:00.001-07:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

I finally got Talita's portrait taken!

2009-03-11T13:54:00.000-07:00

VBAC Article

2009-03-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

This article is excellent: http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/HomebirthAfterCesarean.asp

It's called "Homebirth After Cesarean: The Myth and the Reality.

Charles' Birth Slide Show

2009-03-11T09:50:00.000-07:00

I finally accepted that Charles' birth video footage was lost forever. =( But I was able to still put this together. It's not ideal, but I'm happy with it. The music is a little different for a birth slide show, but it fits with this pregnancy. We celebrated our 20th anniversary during Charles' pregnancy--never dreaming when we got married that we would be pregnant with our 6th 20 years later. We spent our anniversary at a lovely little bed & breakfast called Somewhere in Time. One of the movies we watched was Father of the Bride part II. The main song of the soundtrack is "Give Me the Simple Life." To me this song epitomizes the simple peace and joy we felt at that time as we were once again adding another precious child to our family. It was a good place to be. =)

Pregnant in America

2009-03-10T07:28:00.000-07:00

A new documentary has just been released called Pregnant in America. You can see the trailer here: www.pregnantinamerica.com. It looks very promising. It was made by a man and his wife when she became pregnant. They researched their childbirth options and got a REAL education. They traveled all over the world and filmed what they learned. There is an interview with Kerry Tuschoff (founder of Hypnobabies). YAY Kerry! They also interviewed Ina May Gaskin and Michel Odent. Anyway, I can't wait to see it. It's in my Netflix queue. I'll post a review once I see it.

Talita's Birth Story (long version)

2009-02-27T19:33:00.001-08:00

A Testament to the Wisdom of the Natural Birth Process

Talita Pearl was born September 11, 2008, at 3:29 p.m. 6 days after her "guess date." The labor and birth were not like anything I had visualized or expected, but were exactly what she needed to come into the world safely and healthily.I had visualized and even had several dreams where my labor was 2 hours or less and had a very easy, painless birth. In fact, I was nearly convinced the baby would come so fast that my midwife wouldn’t make it. (This was my 7th birth and previous labors without Hypnobabies practice were 4-6 hours long.) I was okay with that. I researched unassisted and emergency birth just in case. I have to admit, after having too many people around for Charles’ birth and the negative effect it had on my birthing time, unassisted birth had quite an appeal to me. I’ve always been extra sensitive about other people and their attitudes. I knew from experience it could have a significant effect on me, especially at such a vulnerable time. I found and read many stories of unassisted birth and was absolutely amazed at the sheer number of them. I had no idea so many women had the courage, faith, and knowledge to trust the birth process to go smoothly and safely. Their stories were so inspiring and appealing to me. I realized that many women throughout the world and most women throughout history had birthed this way. If childbirth really was so dangerous then the human species would have died out long ago. With that being said, I also knew that Heavenly Father would steer me away from an unassisted birth if it wasn’t going to be safe for me at this time or if it wouldn’t be safe for this particular baby. I was determined to let the Spirit guide me on the decision, all the while confidently hoping Scott and I could bring our sweet baby into the world in privacy, safety, and joy.One week before my "due" date whenever I would have regular Braxton-Hicks contractions, I started feeling fear–something I hadn’t felt throughout the entire pregnancy (thanks to daily listening to Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations). I couldn’t understand why I was now feeling fear. My main fear was that there would be cord problems and we wouldn’t be able to get the baby breathing when it was born. I did the Hypnobabies Fear Release script several times and even watched the slide show of my first homebirth (which was an ideal home water birth) to help me let go of these fears. They helped, but only temporarily. Still, I never felt fear about giving birth at home. I knew that the midwives could safely handle those problems if they came up.Anyway, on September 10, 5 days after my guess date, I awoke at 1:15 a.m. to warm fluid leaking out of me. As I hurried to the bathroom I kept saying to myself, "Please don’t be blood!" I was relieved to see clear fluid and just a tinge of pink that I figured was part of the mucous plug. My waters had broken! I "knew" I would give birth before my little boys woke up. I woke up Scott and together we filled up the birth pool which was set up in our bedroom. We put plastic down on the bed and covered it with a clean sheet. I wasn’t having any pressure waves to speak of, but I wanted to have some soft lighting on for when things did start happening, so we lit some candles and then went back to bed. Scott promptly went back to sleep, but of course, I couldn’t sleep. Parts of the mucous plug kept coming and amniotic fluid kept leaking in gushes. With each gush I would soak a whole pad. Finally I wrapped a thick towel between my legs and lay down in bed. I listened to BirthDay Affirmations with my iPod so as to let Scott sleep. Still no pressure waves.At first I was calm and happy. But then my old fear surfaced of "what if I can’t get the baby breathing on my own? Do I really want to give birth before Pam arrives?" After that I felt very unsure and fearful. I also kept wondering if I should try to get some rest since nothing was happening or if I should get up, walk around, and try to get labor going before the boys woke up. Finally I fell asleep and told myself to wake up at 5 and try to get labor started. I put on the Deepening script again and when it ended at 5 a.m. I knew I would automatically wake up (this often happened during the pregnancy). That would give me 2 hours–that should be enough time to give birth before my boys woke up. (So funny in hindsight.)As soon as the script ended at 5 I awoke with a start. I felt like I needed to have a huge bm. That, combined with the adrenaline of my "plan" made me jump out of bed and practically run to the bathroom. As I sat down, waves of nausea came over me at the same time a really strong pressure wave started. I started moaning and grabbed the trash can and put it between my legs just in case I threw up. I was terribly hot and sweaty so I ripped off my shirt and threw it on the floor. Our bathroom door is within reach of the toilet so I grabbed onto the door knob and held onto it for dear life. I was thinking, "Maybe I slept through early labor and this is transition!" I knew from experience and tons of birth stories that the pressure of the baby’s head on the rectum as the baby begins its descent into the birth canal can feel like you need to have a sudden bm. Suddenly I jerked upward and realized I had almost fallen off the toilet! I thought "what just happened?" I finished business and quickly lay back down in bed asking Scott to go get the throw-up bucket. I was breathing very hard and felt very hot. When Scott came back with the bucket he put his hand on my shoulder and did the Relax cue by simply saying, "Relax." My breathing immediately calmed down (Yay Hypnobabies!) and I told him what had just happened. It wasn’t until then I realized that I had almost passed out on the john!I went back to sleep for a couple of hours and at 7 a.m. felt like I should call Pam, my midwife. She got here about 8 and checked me. My blood pressure was good–only slightly elevated. She did a vaginal exam but couldn’t feel the cervix because the baby was still pretty high. (?) (+ 3 station) I thought it odd since I had carried the baby low all pregnancy and the baby had been engaged for nearly two weeks. She said not to worry, the sac can reseal itself and it could actually be days before I gave birth. She reminded me of the standard things to be careful of when the water breaks and then she went back home. I had to admit, it felt so good to be lovingly cared for by Pam (she has a great "bedside manner"). Even though unassisted birth still held a certain appeal for me, I decided at this point not to try for it. If it happened that way for some reason, I trusted that Heavenly Father would be guiding it to all work out. But when the spirit told me to call Pam, I would. I really felt at peace with this decision.Scott stayed home from work because we both thought it could happen at anytime. All day long I only had mild crampy sensations. I lay down often to rest and catch up on sleep. I put on Hypnobabies scripts whenever I would lay down and they helped me relax and get some sleep. I was surprised that it was all happening so slowly. But I was so grateful I wasn’t in the hospital strapped to a fetal monitor being starved "just in case" I needed anesthesia. (Tanner’s birth)Scott took all three boys to a movie in the afternoon, but I made him promise to leave his cell phone on (in silent mode) so I could call him if anything happened. I checked my email and noticed that my sister-in-law, Shirlene, had sent me a message wondering how I was doing and if the baby had come yet. It was fun to let her know my water had broken and that it could happen at anytime. (I love email.) I promised to let her know when it did. I got my email birth list all prepared so it would be really easy for Scott to let everyone know with just one email.I also tried to work through my fears about the labor, birth, and baby care. It was so surprising to me that for this whole pregnancy I’ve been so confident and fearless until August 29th. That’s when I had told myself it was okay to give birth and I started having serious Braxton-Hicks. In hindsight I think a lot of the fear stemmed from instinctively knowing I and the baby weren’t quite ready. I didn’t remember feeling this afraid with all of my other births. I really wondered why. I watched the slide show of Joshua’s birth, and I remembered that I had no fear that he wouldn’t start breathing. It never entered my mind. It was wonderful to be reminded of how good it feels to hold a brand new baby in your arms and watch him take his first breath and turn from gray/purple to a beautiful pink!Around 8:30 p.m. Scott gave me the most wonderful, beautiful blessing. Our good friend and neighbor, Jeff, came over to help. Before the blessing Jeff told us about his recent vacation to Hawaii. While we were talking I had two pressure waves. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply through them. Jeff noticed and Scott told him what was going on. Jeff said, "Yeah, but it can’t be that much fun." When the wave was over I said, "No, it’s not really that fun."We almost had Jeff do the actual blessing because Scott had given me two in the last week, but the Spirit told me Scott needed to be the mouthpiece. Scott blessed me to be healed of any viruses or bacteria I may have. Then he blessed the baby to be born soon, that it would be a quick birth, that I would not experience or feel any pain, that I would give birth to a healthy baby =), that I would make the transition to caring for a baby with energy and zeal. He also said Heavenly Father is pleased with my conduct during this pregnancy, that I have been patient and will be blessed for it. He said I have learned what I needed to through this experience. He also said I would know the positions to use that would be effective.I called Pam around 10 p.m. because I wanted to update her. I had to leave a message. I told her Scott had given me a beautiful blessing and that he said the birth would be quick. We went to bed since I didn’t feel any more strong waves. I was so happy and grateful for the blessing. It really calmed down my fears and I was happy to know the Lord was pleased with how I had handled the pregnancy and exercised patience. (On Aug. 29th when I had first started to be afraid and wondering when the baby was coming I had asked Scott for a blessing. In that blessing he said that the baby would come at the right time and in the right manner and to exercise patience and trust in the Lord’s timing.)We both just knew that things would start happening as soon as we all went to bed. Before we climbed into bed, however, Scott and I refilled the birth pool. We didn’t get it quite hot enough so towards the end we were adding straight hot water. It was taking forever, it seemed, and we were so tired. We both lay down in bed to wait for it to finish. My last thoughts before drifting off to sleep were, "Dear Heavenly Father, please wake up one of us before the water level gets too high." What faith! (Or foolishness!?!?) I’m not sure what time it was, but I awoke suddenly with sweat dripping off my chest and said, "THE WATER!" Scott woke up and jumped out of bed and turned the water off. It was within 4 inches of the top. The air was hot and humid. We covered the pool with a shower curtain to keep it warm and went back to sleep. WHEW!At exactly 12 midnight I awoke to a pretty strong pressure wave. I started watching the clock and realized they were coming about every 5 minutes. Hooray! That lasted about 45 minutes and then the waves started to come less often and not as strong. What??!? However, they kept coming irregularly. I can’t remember which script I listened to but I think it was either Birthing Day Affirmations or Easy First Stage. I breathed deeply through the waves and used my peace cue during the strong ones. They were very manageable. Scott woke up around 1 a.m. and I told him it had started. He dozed off and on while I listened to Hypnobabies.At 2 a.m. I decided to try the pool. The water was down to 98 degrees but still felt good and warm. I tried various positions but nothing really felt that comfortable. The waves weren’t difficult or anything. It just didn’t feel "right" for some reason. In fact the waves seemed weaker and further apart. They still kept coming though, so that was a welcome change from the past few days. I had Scott take pictures of me in the pool for a slide show, but . . . um. . . I doubt I’ll use them! I listened to Hypnobabies scripts on the speakers I had set up by the pool and also some of Enya’s music. Finally I began to wonder when to call Pam. At 3 a.m. I had the thought, "Call Pam." I was thinking that I’d probably be giving birth in the next hour or two. I hated to wake her up but felt I should call anyway. I had to try her home, her cell, and husband’s cell before her husband answered. They were both awake already. Pam said she had been laying in bed wondering how I was doing. Pam said she’d come right out. I got out of the pool when the water got down to 95 degrees. It was around 3:30 a.m. I doubted I would get in the water again. It was just impossible to keep it warm enough for long enough. Besides, it just didn’t feel like a water birth or even a water labor was right this time. I did listen to Caribbean Blue while I was in. I had always wanted to do that!Pam arrived around 4 a.m. and checked me. I was dilated to a 3–argh! Why was this happening so slow? The baby was at zero station. Well, at least it was some progress, but I was really surprised things weren’t progressing faster. I kept resting off and on trying to get some sleep in between waves. Pam checked me again a little after 7 a.m. and I was dilated to 6 cm. The boys gradually woke up and Scott got them ready for school. I was in the bathroom when Joshy came in to say good-bye. I told him the baby would probably come out while he was at school. He looked a little disappointed so I gave him a big hug and a kiss. I felt very motherly and emotional. I continued to rest in my bedroom and Pam rested on the couch. Charles watched TV and played downstairs after Scott fed and dressed him.Around 9 a.m. while I was laying on my bed Pam massaged the pressure points in my feet and hands to get waves coming stronger and more frequent. It didn’t do that, but it did feel like a fantastic massage. Pam does have magic hands. I remember thinking "I love being cared for like this. I would never be treated this well in the hospital!" In fact, I knew that had I been in the hospital I would have been started on Pitocin since it had been so long since my waters had broken and since my waves were so mild and erratic.At one point both Pam and Scott were watching me and it bugged me, so I said, "I feel like a watched pot." Pam said, "We’re waiting for you to boil." Yeah, I thought, so stop watching! I didn’t say it though and I think they eventually stopped watching me after a while. For the rest of the morning pressure waves came sporadically–sometimes strong, sometimes weak, but rarely, if ever, did I have 2 strong waves in a row. I kept restarting Hypnobabies scripts as they seemed to end all too often. It was actually a very slow, boring labor. Pam was great–patient and loving. She would rub my back or legs gently during waves. I remember one came while I was in the dining area and I leaned my forehead on the back of the chair while standing up. She rubbed my back the whole time. It felt so good that I didn’t want to straighten up when it was over! A little after 10 a.m. Pam did another check and I was to 8 cm but with an anterior cervical lip.Melody (the assistant midwife) arrived around 10:30 a.m. and as she and Pam talked softly in my room (I was on the bed) it irritated me and I remember thinking, "Just shut up." I was really in primitive mode! I put my headphones on to drown out the distractions. After a couple of scripts I got tired of wearing the headphones. Another check around 11 a.m. revealed that nothing had changed. Scott drained and deflated the pool and we set up a birthing area on the floor at the foot of the bed. I was kind of in my own world while he was doing that and when I came into the family room and saw the deflated pool on the couch I felt kind of sad and a little unsure. What if I wanted or needed the water later on? But then I remembered all my instincts throughout the pregnancy and especially during the labor that told me not to give birth in the pool. Then I could let go of the uncertainty and feel okay about it.Joshy came home from school around noon and I said, "The baby’s still in me." Scott made him chicken noodle soup. He ate the noodles and chicken and I drank the broth. I didn’t feel like eating anything else. For the next couple of hours the boys played downstairs, pressure waves came irregularly, some strong, but some seemed to just peter out. I tried all sorts of positions: sitting on the birth ball, spiraling or bouncing gently, standing and walking around a bit. I always felt a slight sense of panic if one came while standing. I just breathed deeply through them and told my cervix to open, that it was melting like butter or opening like a soft pink flower. However, the position that seemed to bring on more waves and stronger waves was lying on my left side. Weird, huh? Totally opposite of what I expected. I kept replaying the scripts, either on the iPod or on my computer by my bed.I think we were all a little frustrated that labor hadn’t gotten intense yet, but nobody showed frustration. Scott, Melody, and Pam were all very patient and loving. Sometime in the early afternoon I decided I wanted to labor alone in my room. Maybe that was what I needed to really get things going. I shut the door so no one could bother or irritate me. One thing I really enjoyed was listening to Enya’s Caribbean Blue while standing up and spiraling my hips through pressure waves. I was tired of Hypnobabies and that song was just right for my mood. After a while Scott came in. He held me through a wave and that felt so good to hold onto him. I felt like laying down and Scott lay down too. He did some NS and that brought on a couple of waves, but that was all. Then I didn’t like that anymore and so he rubbed my back and that felt sooo good. I also tried sitting on the birth stool to see if that would bring on some waves. When a wave would come while I was on the stool, I’d get all panicky that I was going to empty my bladder and my bowels during the pressure wave so I’d jump up to use the toilet. I have to admit I really was afraid of losing control of everything when the baby would descend and I’d feel all that pressure. I also couldn’t sit on the birth stool for very long because the longer I sat there the more it felt like everything was falling out. After a while Scott left to check on the boys and Pam and Melody came in to see how I was doing. They thought I had been sleeping all this time. When I said that I’d had a few good strong waves, Melody said, "Only 3 in 2 hours?" I had no idea that much time had elapsed. It felt more like 30 minutes.Finally, at 2 :30 p.m. things suddenly changed. I was lying down on my left side (of course) in the middle of the bed with a blanket mostly covering me and the waves began coming stronger and closer together. Some were very long. I was moaning and breathing through them. I think Pam heard me because she came in and rubbed my back and timed the waves. One was 2 minutes long! She did another vaginal check. I really didn’t want her to because the waves were so close together that I knew a wave would come during the check. This time, however, she said the cervical lip was gone. Hooray! For some reason I never thought to use my Hypnobabies finger drop technique and try to go loose and limp. (I really should have practiced that technique more consistently during the pregnancy.) I actually was laying there very still except for my low moans during the peak of each wave. I knew I must be finishing dilation. I had been a stretchy 8 for over 4 hours. It began to get really difficult to deal with the waves coming so close and strong. I started shaking uncontrollably as well. I kept saying, "I don’t want to do this anymore!" I knew it meant I was in transition but I just couldn’t stop complaining about it anyway. A part of me also wanted everyone to know I was in transition so they could get ready. I’m not sure how long that lasted, but suddenly I just couldn’t stand laying there anymore and I said rather emotionally, "I don’t want to lay here anymore!" Pam helped me get up and get situated on the birth stool.I think it was about this time that Pam checked me and said I was fully dilated. Since I had stopped leaking amniotic fluid about 24 hours ago so we thought that the sac had resealed. Pam and Melody thought that breaking it would be just the thing to speed things up. It took me a while to consent to that but I finally did and they both tried with no success. (After the birth they realized it had not resealed because there was no water left! Thank goodness they used a rubber thing that went over the finger to try to break the sac with. It wasn’t sharp, just a little rough designed to scratch the amniotic sac to weaken it so that it would break with the next contraction. I’m not sure what they were scratching other than the baby’s head except that her head had no scratches on it.)At this point, my two little boys who had pretty much left me alone most of the day suddenly got interested in playing in our bedroom. Charles had been staying away because when he would see me without clothes he clearly felt uncomfortable. The first time he saw me like this, he said, "Mom, you need clothes." But suddenly he didn’t care anymore! They hadn’t bothered me being around during the labor, but suddenly I needed them gone. (so did Pam and Melody) so I told Scott to take them to our next door neighbor who had agreed to watch them if I had the baby during the middle of the day. I honestly didn’t think that would happen! Everything about this labor had been slow so I didn’t think I would give birth before Scott returned. I was right.The midwives had set up our glider chair directly behind the birthing stool so Scott could sit behind me and could support me and rub my back. They suggested I lean back against Scott during waves. I’m not sure exactly why–I think to help the baby’s head move past the pelvis. The waves were still pretty intense at this point. All I had the presence of mind to do was vocalize through them. I tried to keep the tones low. They had to remind me a few times. And then the pushing began. It was agonizingly slow. Everything about it was difficult. I was perplexed by that. Taking a deep enough breath to push was difficult. I had to be coached each step of the way. Slowly, ever so slowly she inched down. I was working so hard! I have never pushed so hard and so long except for my first baby. In actuality I pushed for 11 minutes but it felt like an eternity. I was pretty vocal as I pushed, groaning real low in my throat. So low, in fact, that my throat got dry and scratchy. I couldn’t believe it was so hard to get this baby out. Being my 7th baby, I thought the baby would just kind of shoot out, like my 5th baby had done. Not so!I don’t remember Scott using the relax cue but the video footage shows that he put his hand on my shoulder several times. Maybe he just didn’t say "relax" when he did it so I didn’t even notice that he was doing it. I didn’t think about using hypnosis or my scripts or the peace cue. Somehow it was all too intense for that and I knew I just had to get the baby down and out. It did feel good when Melody would push back on my knees during each push I made. They had to keep reminding me to lean back. Leaning back against Scott was kind of uncomfortable but it did feel reassuring to have his presence and support right there–it really felt more like a team effort that way. I felt her every inch of the way and it was so intense, so completely filling–like how could my body stretch another millimeter?I told Pam I wanted to feel the baby’s head while she was still inside me, so in between pressure waves she told me to reach in and feel it. For some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’ve never been very comfortable with that sort of thing. I didn’t have long to wrestle with the decision before another wave came. Pam said "she’s almost there," so this time I reached down and touched her head–she was right inside the opening. I couldn’t believe it was her head because I could feel the sensation of touch both from my fingers and from her head. It made me think I was touching my own body, but they assured me it was her head. Weird, but cool! Then it was time to push again–I was really groaning in agony–it was so intense and so slow. I kept thinking, "Isn’t her head out yet?" because each centimeter she moved stretched me beyond belief. I said, "I don’t remember it being this hard to push!" Pam said, "We usually do forget that." But I knew for me it usually wasn’t that hard to push! (Except for my first baby.) I had my eyes closed when I would push and I remember thinking over and over, "I’m so glad I don’t have to do this again! So glad it’s the last time!" Finally her head eased out slowly (and I mean slowly!) I felt the ring of fire for what seemed like an eternity. Finally her head was out and I heard Melody say, "check for the cord." Then I heard, "no cord." Then, "check again." (The baby wasn’t coming down anymore.) This time Pam found the cord around her neck and it was tight. Melody said, "You can either push enough for us to clamp it or you can get a baby. Let’s get this baby out." Fortunately the cord was just barely loose enough for her to ease it over her head as I pushed. Again it was agonizingly slow–I felt first the top shoulder come out, then the bottom shoulder and finally her whole body slowly slid out. What incredible relief! Melody immediately put her on my legs with her face down so any fluid could drain. Her little body was so hot and wonderful! She was very purple but so hot and alive I could feel her energy and her life. I had no fear that she wasn’t okay. We rubbed her back to stimulate breathing, still not knowing if the baby was a girl or boy. I was patient–I wanted the baby to be okay. She pooped a little as she came out which I noticed on my hand (I had it on her little bum.) Then I felt her pee. It was all very reassuring! Finally after about 30 seconds (it seemed more like minutes) they turned her over on her back and Scott and I both said joyfully, "IT’S A GIRL!!!!" My next thought was "Why did I ever doubt????"Melody used the neonatal mask to help get her breathing. Then Pam used the suction tube on her nose, then throat. The tube in her throat caused her to take a little breath and then she let out a little wail–so beautiful! Her body, then her head pinked up quickly. Her feet and hands took longer. She was so beautiful and perfect. We finally got our little girl!The cord was so short we couldn’t lift her any higher than my lap. That was okay–I was able to touch her and watch her on my lap. Scott got out of the chair and held the camera and came around in front to film. (It had been on a tripod behind us.) They asked if we had a name for her and so we told them it was Talita and how we came to know that was her name.Tanner came home from school about 15 minutes after she was born. That worked out perfect. He had wanted to be there for the birth but I wanted the privacy to birth without clothes getting in the way--either of the actual birthing or of putting my baby immediately on my chest–skin to lovely skin. (Tanner is very modest!) I’m also glad he didn’t have to hear my groaning! I asked Scott for a blanket to cover me up some just in time for Tanner to come in. He was excited to be there so close to the birth and maybe a little disappointed he had missed it.The cord had stopped pulsing by this time. I reached down and felt it between my legs. I was surprised at how cold it felt. Pam and Melody clamped it with a new plastic ring type clamp and had a little difficulty getting it on just right. (But the extra effort was worth it–I loved having a tiny little soft plastic clamp instead of the big bulky hard plastic things my other babies had.) We asked Tanner if he wanted to cut it but he declined. I had asked him a few days before the birth if he wanted to do that but he said he didn’t want to "cut flesh." So Scott cut the cord and he and Tanner took Talita out to the family room so I could birth the placenta. I had to get off the birth stool because it felt like everything wanted to fall out. I sat on the edge of the bed for about 10 minutes and talked with Pam and Melody. Suddenly I thought "What am I doing?" I said, "I want my baby back!" They said, "You’re not done. You need to get that placenta out." (In hindsight I wondered why didn’t I nurse my baby to help contract the uterus and dispel the placenta. This is the only thing I regret–that I didn’t spend my baby’s entire first hour holding and bonding with her. But her dad and brother were bonding with her so I guess it was okay.) So anyway, I got back on the birth stool (this time it was next to the bed so I could lean my back against the bed.) It took about 15 minutes to get it out. I couldn’t really feel contractions or if the placenta had detached or not. But I started pushing gently. Oh that pushing sensation! How I never wanted to feel that again and I said so. The midwives said something about the placenta being easy to push because it was soft but it was the sensation of pushing itself I didn’t like. I felt very ineffective with my pushes and couldn’t help wondering if I was forcing my body to expel it before it was ready. But it came out just fine and looked whole and complete. It was about 1 hour after the birth. It was fascinating to watch as Pam and Melody examined it. It was big and healthy and Pam said I had done a great job nourishing my baby. =) Pam wrapped it up in the chux pad it had landed on and put it in a plastic bag and in the freezer until we were ready to plant it with a tree or something.Then Pam examined my perineum and said I had a tear about a half inch long. Bummer! I had never torn before–just skid marks. So Melody got the lidocaine ready and then said, "This isn’t a tear, just a blood blister." Hooray! No tears, not even skid marks! She had come out so slowly I had time to stretch sufficiently. (But, oh how that stretching burned!) Then I got my baby back and lay down to nurse. Yay! She nursed for about 15 minutes. Then it was time for the newborn exam. Scott weighed her in Pam’s soft cloth scale–the same one we used for Joshua. She weighed 7 lbs 1 oz. I told everyone how I had told the baby during the pregnancy that she could be born as soon as she was at least 7 lbs. Melody said, "Wow, she’s obedient too!" She was 19.25 inches long and her head was 12.75 inches. Except for Tyler who came early, she is my smallest baby–but not by much.I felt such incredible joy and satisfaction. Heavenly Father was so good to me. He answered my fondest dream–to finish my childbearing privilege with a joyful, healthy pregnancy and a beautiful baby girl!Reflections about the pregnancy, labor and birth:Every second I spent listening to and practicing Hypnobabies was so worth it. Although the pregnancy had minor challenges (fatigue because of my age -43, nausea, etc.) it was so joyful. As long as I took my daily walk listening to the Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations, and listened to the scripts daily, I stayed so positive and happy. I was also able to get the rest I needed since I always fell asleep during the scripts, haha. They still worked for me even though I slept through most of them. The Eliminate Nausea cd also helped control the nausea so it wasn’t so bad. I also loved how I felt emotionally and spiritually during the pregnancy. My baby’s strong wonderful spirit was responsible for that. How I loved the inseparable connection we had!Talita’s labor and birth was so different than what I had visualized, expected, or experienced before. And yet, I feel in my heart that the Lord was totally guiding me, warning me through my concerns, and yes, fears, and that he guided the whole birth process to allow Talita to be born safely, miraculously, joyfully at home. The labor needed to be slow and gentle because of the short cord and because it was around her neck. If it had been quick like some of my other births, it would have put her in distress. Her descent through the birth canal needed to be slow to allow her cord to adjust after each push. My body did not take over and push her out quickly like it did with Joshua because her cord wouldn’t allow it. Oh, how amazing the human body is! Especially the female body and the whole birth process! How wonderfully made we are! It fills me with gratitude and awe for Heavenly Father and His wisdom.Even though Talita’s birth was not meant to be unassisted, those stories taught me to trust in the birth process. Even when things are not ideal, the body knows how to compensate in order for a healthy baby to be born safely. I have no doubt that had I been under an OB's care or a CNM and been in a hospital, Talita would have been cut out of my womb. The doctors would not have let me go more than 12 to 24 hours after my water had broken without wanting to use pitocin. They also would not have been comfortable or patient with contractions that were sometimes spaced 30 minutes to an hour apart. The stronger contractions caused by the Pitocin would have put her in distress because of her cord (just like Tyler's birth). The separation, trauma, and the expense of a c-section, along with the days in the hospital away from the boys and the extra recovery time would have been awful and all so unnecessary. Thank heavens I have learned what I have and was able to avoid all that! Thanks be to Heavenly Father for guiding me in learning how to bring these three incredible spirits healthily and joyfully into the world. I feel sad (and mad) that the medical profession has totally convinced most women to not trust themselves, their bodies, or the birth process. Because of that many women have suffered unnecessarily both physically and emotionally, not to even mention the financial burden all the unnecessary intervention brings.Anyway, because of the slow, difficult pushing stage I needed someone to coach me. I needed someone calm and collected and experienced to guide the cord over her head so her body could be born. The effort of pushing her out took all my focus and energy. I can't imagine catching her myself (like I dreamed of) or having Scott have the calmness and experience to have done what the midwives did. I'm sure in an emergency situation the spirit would have guided him, but I'm so glad he didn't have to endure that stress. Pam and Melody worked so well together. Their strengths were very different and they complemented each other perfectly. Pam was very loving and calm and relaxed and Melody took charge when needed. Her leadership comforted me and helped me feel secure that all would work out. I totally trusted her. Pam was so inspired in choosing her to be the assistant. Melody told Pam later that she was so glad she was able to participate in our little miracle. She felt very honored. Pam also told me that the Lord's spirit was definitely here. He was definitely making sure his little Talita would make it safely into the world. =) How blessed I am to be entrusted with her!I think it's amazing how the Lord let me know early on that it would not be a water birth. In fact when I inflated the pool a few weeks before the due date I had the distinct thought that I was pretty much wasting my time. I had loved my previous two water births. I couldn’t understand it but I accepted it deep down. Now in hindsight, I understand why she was not to be born in the pool. Because the sides of the pool were so tall and dark, it would have been difficult to check the cord and maneuver it. Access would have been restricted, but more importantly I would not have been able to lift Talita high enough to get her out of the water because of the short cord. I would have had to stand up and get out of the pool while holding her. After the exhausting pushing stage I was so weak and it would have taken too long to get out of the pool and then resuscitate the baby. It is so awesome that Heavenly Father knows the future and knows how to guide us so that things work out for the best. I'm so grateful for His guidance and inspiration.The only thing I can't figure out is the blessing Scott gave me that said the birth would be quick and painless. I'm praying for understanding on that one. I don't feel bad about it, just a little perplexed. The blessing did help me be more calm about everything. Also, what about my dreams of giving birth easily and quickly without help? Were they just manifestations of my innermost desires for how to give birth? Or did I do something during the pregnancy that changed what could have been to what actually happened? I'm not sure I want to know the answer. Nevertheless, I am filled with gratitude that Heavenly Father sent me a beautiful little girl. That was my deepest desire of all, and Heavenly Father answered it so generously!A few days after the birth Pam said she read the literature on short tight cords and my labor and birth fit it completely! She said the best position to use is lying on the left side. It's effective but keeps it slow so as not to stress the baby too much. Exactly what I had done instinctively! I am totally amazed at nature’s wisdom and how if we just trust our bodies, they know what to do for our babies to be born safely and naturally. I am so grateful for everything I’ve read about natural childbirth and for the Hypnobabies scripts that told me every day of my pregnancy that my body knew how to birth my baby!

How We Came to Name Them Joshua, Charles, and Talita

2009-02-27T19:30:00.000-08:00

The three children born to us since the passing of our son, Tyler, all have names that point toward the Savior Jesus Christ. We feel their names were inspired by Him to remind us of His great atonement and resurrection and the faith needed to believe in those realities and the great Plan of Happiness–that plan being that we will be able to live forever as a family, that Tyler is not lost to us, but rather has just moved on ahead of us for a while.

About a couple months after Tyler passed away, Scott had a dream where we were both laying in bed asleep. He awoke to see a little girl, with curly blond hair standing by our bedside. She looked over me to Scott and said excitedly, "I can’t wait!" Then the dream ended. A few weeks later we were at my mom’s house and Scott was listening to a cd by Daniel Rona about places in the Holy Land and the events that occurred there. He spoke about the daughter of Jairus being raised from the dead by the Savior as it is written in the book of Mark, chapter 5. He explained that when the Savior said to the young girl, "Talitha, cumi." he was not just saying, "Maiden, arise." The word Talitha in Hebrew means female lamb. It was often used as a nickname for little girls with curly hair. Daniel Rona believes that the daughter of Jairus was no stranger to the Savior since he spent over a year living in the area where she lived. He believes, rather that the Savior called her Talitha as an endearing nickname to someone he knew well. As Scott was listening to this story, his eyes filled with tears and he knew the name of the little girl who was to come to our family.

About 5 or 6 months later we learned we were pregnant. We thought this was our little girl, but an ultrasound showed it was a boy. Scott said, "We have to do this again!" However, I had a boy name already picked out. It came to me when I was watching a BYU devotional by Elder David B. Haight. He quoted the scripture that says, "Choose ye this day whom ye will serve, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15) The mention of Joshua immediately reminded me of an article in the Ensign I had read the month before. The article had been very timely and felt like it was written just for me. It was called "The Twelve Spies" and was about Joshua and Caleb and how they were faithful in doing what the Lord asked despite overwhelming odds against them. The article begins with these words: "Among all the philosophies one could choose to follow in life, the choice between two basic but opposing approaches——faith versus fear——influences our lives more markedly than any other." With the death of Tyler and the repercussions that stemmed from it, I was having to choose every day which emotion I would live by: faith or fear. I was so impressed with Joshua’s faith and knew Heavenly Father wanted me to exercise faith like he had. I knew if the Lord blessed us with another boy I would name him Joshua.

19 months after Joshua was born we learned we were expecting again. We thought, surely this is our little girl, then we can be done having kids! An ultrasound at 20 weeks revealed another boy. Okay, I thought, were we wrong? Was the dream just a wish? I knew I should be grateful for any baby–boy or girl, but I couldn’t help grieving for the little girl I had thought we would never have. After all I was 40 years old at the time and 6 kids was a lot! The Lord blessed me, however, to know we weren’t done having kids. A couple weeks after the ultrasound I dozed off while reading my scriptures. As I started waking up I realized I had been dreaming. In the dream I was arguing with someone. The person was saying, "7 kids." And I was saying, "No 6." They kept saying, "No, 7." I wondered who I had been talking to. I picked up in the scriptures where I had fallen asleep and read, "Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. . ." (Jacob 4:10) I felt in my heart that it was not a coincidence. I had to take a walk to think it through and to talk to Heavenly Father about it. By the time I came home, I felt like I really could do it again--if the Lord would help me to be healthy and in shape so the pregnancy would not be too difficult and that it could even be joyful like Joshua’s had been.

Still, I struggled with this pregnancy. I was overweight and uncomfortable. In my less faithful moments I struggled with feelings of doubt that I would ever have the promised little girl. I didn’t feel like I knew the baby I was carrying. I had no boy name picked out, neither did Scott. One morning as Scott sat at the kitchen table reading his scriptures he was thinking about the baby inside me and asked out of the blue, "Baby, what is your name?" Immediately he heard in his mind "Charles." He said, "Are you sure?!?!" He knew that it was the name the baby wanted. He told me about the experience but didn’t tell me the name. He wanted me to receive the name by inspiration as well because he knew I wouldn’t like the name and would have to know it was divinely inspired to accept it. All he told me was that "it was a good English name." It was actually Debbie who guessed the name first. Scott was right–I didn’t like it at first, but as I thought about it, the name just seem to stick to him. It wasn’t until we were watching a performance of the Messiah three weeks before his birth that I knew for sure his name was Charles and that it was okay. Somehow in those brief moments his name came to symbolize the joyful praising of our Savior through beautifully inspired music.
The day after his birth while talking to a really good friend about the birth and his name, she said, "You have to read about Charles Wesley." I was amazed she thought of him because I had noticed one Sunday during the pregnancy that my favorite Easter Hymn, "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" and my favorite Christmas Hymn "Hark the Herald Angels" were written by Charles Wesley. Was it a coincidence that this baby was conceived at Easter time and would be born at Christmas time? After talking to my friend I asked my daughter, Ali, to look up some information on Charles Wesley on the internet. I was struck with the knowledge that Charles Wesley was born on my birthday, March 29th, (which also happened to be 2 days after Easter that year) and that he died on December 18th. December 18 was Charles’ due date. Coincidence? Who knows. But I have to think that it all ties together somehow. To me it all points to the Savior and His life and mission.

Even though I hadn’t felt like I knew Charles while I was carrying him, I fell absolutely head over heels in love with him when he was born. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. Heavenly Father had sent us another incredible spirit. On Christmas day when he was five days old, we were listening to a cd Ali had gotten that had beautiful music on it. Charles’ eyes grew wide and his wriggling little body suddenly became still. He was enraptured.

The Lord blessed me greatly with my desires to be healthy and get in shape for the next and last pregnancy. My goal was to get to 130 lbs before getting pregnant. Through the advice of a friend I found a whole new way of eating that made so much sense to me. (Basically Vegan) I went to the class she recommended, bought the guy's book and devoured it. It just rang true to me. I felt so good following the program and miraculously got downto 120 lbs and got to enjoy being at that weight for a few months. It was truly an answer to prayer, and I have no doubt the Lord was guiding me to know how to have a healthier pregnancy and baby. =)

On Dec. 31, 2007, two years after Charles was born, we learned we were expecting again. It had taken 6 months more than we thought it would to get pregnant. Never had Scott nor I wanted to get pregnant more than this time. I doubted at times it would really happen considering my age, but the Lord comforted and reassured me that it would. We kept it as our delightful little secret for a couple of weeks from our kids and a bit longer from everyone else. The pregnancy was joyful, even though tiring at times. I decided not to have an ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. I felt like Heavenly Father wanted me to trust him. I tried to be faithful but doubted at times if I really was carrying the little girl we had dreamed of. In my more faithful moments the Lord was able to help me understand more of why she was to be named Talita. In a journal entry dated June 25th when I was 6 months pregnant I wrote to my future baby:"I believe you want to be named Talita to remind me and your dad and everyone you meet in mortality to have faith and hope in Christ, His atonement and resurrection. Joseph Brickey’s painting of the daughter of Jarius depicts it well. Though we all have moments of grief and sorrow, the Savior stands at the door. When we’re ready, the door is opened, the light comes pouring in and life is restored, joy and reunion take place, and our mortal moment of suffering is ended. Because of our Lord and Savior, we can have joy forever. This is what you want me to focus on–not the aching loss–but the hope of eternal life and the joyous reunion with loved ones, all made possible because of our beloved Savior. From now on, when I say or think your name I will focus on the Savior standing in a light-filled doorway, just waiting to bring life and joy to my life and our family’s life."On another day I wrote: "Talita means hope, it means joy, it means Jesus wants to answer our prayers, bring back that which was lost or taken away. He wants to dry our tears, fill us with joy, happiness, and peace. We just have to trust Him that those things will happen at the right time for us. The daughter of Jairus wasn't healed immediately when he asked. Jairus had to wait for the right moment--when he and his wife had suffered just enough, when the doubters and naysayers were gone and they could be alone with the Savior. We will have to wait for the millennium for Tyler's spirit to re-enter his body, to be reunited with him, to be able to embrace him and rejoice together. But it will be the right time then. It will be the right time."

Talita Pearl’s Homebirth ("short" version)

2009-02-27T19:26:00.000-08:00

This is what I posted to my Hypnobabies Yahoo group along with their comments at the end.

A Testament to the Wisdom of the Natural Birth Process

Talita Pearl was born September 11, 2008, at 3:29 p.m. 6 days after her "guess date." The labor and birth were not like anything I had visualized or expected, but were exactly what she needed to come into the world safely and healthily.On September 10, 5 days after my guess date, my water broke around 1 a.m. Since most of my other labors were 4-6 hours long, I was excited because I figured this baby would come before my little boys (ages 5 and 2) woke up. Just what I had visualized and wanted! I woke up DH and together we filled the birth pool, changed the bedding and lit some candles. I wasn’t having any real pressure waves so we both went back to bed. I listened to Birth Day Affirmations, Easy First Stage, Deepening, Hypnotic Childbirth 1 & 2. You get the picture–nothing was happening! No waves and no sleep. Of course, I kept gushing amniotic fluid and pieces of the mucous plug so I was going to the bathroom about every 20 minutes. I kept thinking maybe I should get up and really get labor going so the baby comes before everyone wakes up. However, I was tired and so I just lay there on my left side listening to my HB. Finally at 4:30 a.m. I came up with a plan: I would put on Deepening again and when it ended at 5 a.m. I would automatically wake up (this often happened during the pregnancy) and would get up and really get things going. That would give me 2 hours–that should be enough time before my boys woke up. (So funny in hindsight.)As soon as the script ended I awoke with a start. I felt like I needed to have a huge bm. That, combined with the adrenaline of my "plan" made me jump out of bed and practically run to the bathroom. As I sat down, waves of nausea came over me at the same time a really strong pressure wave started. I started moaning and grabbed the trash can and put it between my legs just in case I threw up. I was terribly hot and sweaty so I ripped off my shirt and threw it on the floor. Our bathroom door is within reach of the toilet so I grabbed onto the door knob and held onto it for dear life. I was thinking, "Maybe I slept through early labor and this is transition!" Suddenly I felt myself jerk upwards and "thought what just happened?" I finished business and got back in bed telling my DH to go get the throw-up bucket. I was breathing really fast and hard. My DH got the bucket then put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Relax." It worked immediately. (Yay HB!) My breathing immediately calmed down and I told him what had just happened. It wasn’t until then I realized that I had almost passed out on the john!I went back to sleep for a couple of hours and at 7 a.m. decided to call my midwife. She came out and checked me. The baby was too high for her to even reach my cervix. (?) At a plus 3 station. I thought it odd since I had carried the baby low all pregnancy and the baby had been engaged for nearly two weeks. She said not to worry, the sac can reseal itself and it could actually be days before I gave birth. She reminded me of the standard things to be careful of when the water breaks and then she went back home.My DH stayed home from work because we both thought it could happen at anytime. All day long I only had mild crampy sensations. I lay down often to rest and catch up on sleep. I put on HB scripts whenever I would lay down and they helped me relax and get some sleep. I was surprised that it was all happening so slowly. But I was so grateful I wasn’t in the hospital strapped to a fetal monitor being starved "just in case" I needed anesthesia. (Birth story #4)That night we went to bed just knowing that it would happen once the boys were asleep and the house was quiet. At exactly 12 midnight I awoke to a strong pressure wave. I started watching the clock and realized they were coming about every 5 minutes. Hooray! That lasted about 45 minutes and then the waves started to come less often and not as strong. What??!? However, they kept coming irregularly. I got in the pool at 2 a.m. I listened to HB on my speakers I had set up by the pool and some of Enya’s music. I had always wanted to listen to Carribbean Blue in the middle of the night while laboring peacefully in my birth pool. However, being in the water just didn’t feel right so I got out after an hour. I called my midwife at 3 a.m. to let her know what was happening. I was worried about waking her up too soon, but she was already awake, just lying in bed wondering how I was doing! She arrived by 4 a.m. and checked me. I was only 3 cm. Argh! I kept resting off and on the rest of the morning. Pressure waves continued to be irregular and I would never have two strong waves in a row. I was very perplexed. I had never labored like this before. My DH and midwife were great. They never showed signs of impatience or frustration. I think we all just seemed to know that this was how this labor needed to be for some reason. They alternated rubbing my back and legs during waves and I continued listening to HB scripts. I was actually getting kind of tired of them since I had listened to every one of them at least 3 times! Once my midwife started rubbing the pressure points on my feet and hands to stimulate stronger waves. Even though that didn’t sustain anything, the massage felt great and I couldn’t help but think, "I would never be treated so well in the hospital!" In fact, I knew that had I been in the hospital I would have been started on Pitocin since it had been so long since my waters had broken and since my waves were so mild and erratic. The other odd thing was that laying on my left side seemed to be the best position to bring on pressure waves–more than walking around or sitting on my birth ball. Even in that position, the waves were very manageable and I just breathed deeply through them and used my peace cue.Finally, at 2 :30 p.m. things suddenly changed. I was lying down on my left side (of course) and the waves started coming close together and very long. My midwife heard me moaning and came in to time them. One was 2 minutes long! At this point all I could think to do was moan really low through each wave. I knew this was transition and I guess I wanted everyone else to know as well, because in between waves I was saying, "I don’t want to do this anymore!" I’m not sure how long that lasted, but suddenly I just couldn’t lay there anymore. My midwife helped me off the bed and I got situated on the birth stool. At this point, my two little boys who had pretty much left me alone most of the day just had to be in my bedroom with me. I think they were a distraction to all of us so I told my DH to take them next door to our neighbors who had agreed to watch them if I had the baby during the middle of the day. I honestly didn’t think that would happen! When DH got back, he sat behind me in the glider chair so he could support me and rub my back. I had a brief rest period where the waves didn’t come as often but they were still pretty intense. After another check my midwife said I was complete, and thus began the pushing stage. I have never pushed so hard and so long except for my first baby. In actuality I pushed for 11 minutes but it felt like an eternity. I was pretty vocal as I pushed, groaning real low in my throat. I couldn’t believe it was so hard to get this baby out. Being my 7th baby, I thought the baby would just kind of shoot out, like my 5th baby had done. Not so! I told my midwife I wanted to feel the baby’s head while still inside me and so when the baby was nearly at the opening I reached down and felt the head. I honestly felt like I was touching part of me–like I had the sensation in my finger and also the baby’s head. It was weird but cool. Then I had to push with all my might for a long period as her head slowly (and I mean slowly) eased out. I felt the ring of fire for what seemed like forever. (But I didn’t tear!) I kept thinking isn’t her head out yet? Finally it was out but the midwives found the cord was around her neck and it was a little tight. She said, "We’ll either have to cut the cord now or you can push right now and get this baby out." Fortunately the cord was just barely loose enough for her to ease it over the head as I pushed. Again it was agonizingly slow–I felt first the top shoulder come out, then the bottom shoulder and finally the baby was out. My midwife immediately put the baby on my legs face down so any fluid could drain. We discovered the cord was too short to bring the baby to my chest. The baby felt so good–so hot and alive! We rubbed the baby’s back to stimulate breathing, still not knowing if the baby was a girl or boy. I was patient–I wanted the baby to be okay. Finally after about 30 seconds (it seemed more like minutes) we turned the baby over and both my DH and I said together, "IT’S A GIRL!!!!" We were so excited. After 4 boys in a row and knowing this would be our last baby, we were ecstatic!The midwives suctioned her and actually used the neonatal mask to help get her breathing. She was a little blue but pinked up really fast. She is absolutely perfect and beautiful. Everyone felt her strength and energy as she took her first breath. We knew then that she is a strong and incredible spirit.A few days after the birth my midwife read the literature on short tight cords and discovered that my birthing time and actual birth were "textbook" for that situation. Slow, easy labors and a longer pushing stage allow the cord to adjust with each wave and each push. Also the best position to use is lying on your left side. Exactly what I had done instinctively! I am totally amazed at nature’s wisdom and how if we just trust our bodies, they know what to do for our babies to be born safely and naturally. I am totally convinced that had I been in a hospital I would have had a C-section. No doctor or nurse-midwife would have "allowed" me to labor so slowly and mildly for 38 hours after my water had broken. They would have used pitocin and that would have put the baby in distress and they would have done the CS. (Birth story#3) I am so grateful for everything I’ve read about natural childbirth and for the Hypnobabies scripts that told me every day of my pregnancy that my body knew how to birth my baby!

"That's a beautiful story! Thanks for sharing!

Congratulations!!! What a wonderful story and testament to birthing!

Thank you so much for sharing your inspirational story. I love that you and your midwife were able to stay calm and patient as you had the birth that was best for your baby. That is a great testimonial to the power of a mother's intuition and the beauty of birth. Your body and baby knew just what they needed! I would love to add your story to my positive birth story site and the Hypnobabies Blog. Please let me know if that is ok. Enjoy your sweet Talita!"

My response to Sheridan:I would love for you to add my story to the sites you mentioned. I'm still in awe whenever I think about her birth. Hypnobabies was so instrumental in helping me to trust in my baby, my body, and the birth process. =)Bonnie

Charles Home WaterBirth

2009-02-27T19:22:00.000-08:00

December 19, 2005

It was one day after my "guess" date. I'd been having Braxton-Hicks contractions off and on for several weeks. I picked up Scott at work and we all went to Salt Lake to see the Christmas lights. We stopped at Wendy’s for dinner. When we came out it was softly raining. That made it kind of uncomfortable for Scott who was the only one without a hood. And he has the least amount of hair. I felt bad for him but he was in a good mood and didn’t let it bother him. I brought some chux pads just in case but I knew that by bringing them I wouldn’t go into labor! We went to the church museum first but Joshua was a little nightmare in there. We had to leave before we saw the exhibit we came to see. Scott got a little testy and then Ali and I did as well. Once we got to temple square we all did better. We walked around a bit and took a couple of pictures. We were all ready to leave before too long though. I had a few contractions but nothing that made me stop walking.When we got home we had scriptures and prayer and we all went to bed. I slept for about an hour I think. But I don’t think I ever reached deep sleep because I kept having contractions about every 20 to 30 minutes. They were different than Braxton-Hicks–more intense. I tried to lay there and deal with them like the Bradley method taught because I knew I needed my rest. It was difficult though. I felt somewhat out of control in that position. Finally about 1:30 a.m. I couldn’t lay there anymore. I got up and turned the Christmas tree lights on for company. That made me feel a little better. I sat on the exercise ball and the contractions were so much easier to work through. I decided to turn on my computer and play the labor playlist I had made. That helped as well. I sat in a comfy chair with a chux pad underneath me in case my water broke. I wanted to sleep in between contractions and so I would watch the screensaver hoping it would put me to sleep like it did a couple weeks ago when I was rocking Joshua at naptime. It didn’t put me to sleep, but when I would look at the beautiful pictures of nature I felt close to Heavenly Father and knew He was in control. Those feelings helped me not feel so scared. Because I was a little scared being up alone in the middle of the night in labor. Around 2:30 I went to the bathroom and it woke Scott up. He asked what I was doing up. I told him the contractions wouldn’t let me sleep. So he got up too and we had a peaceful night together softly talking while I calmly labored. When a contraction would come I would just stop talking, close my eyes, and relax my mouth and jaw. I told myself to open and relax my cervix. (Some great mantras I learned from Ina May's book.) Then after about a minute or so I would open my eyes and resume talking. Scott thought it was cool how I would go into my "trance" in mid-sentence and so he took a picture of me. It’s not very flattering but I’m grateful we have it because that part of my labor was so effective, and so peaceful, and gave me the fondest memories of the whole labor.The contractions started getting about 5 minutes apart around 4 a.m. so I decided to call Richelle at 4:30. I hated to wake her up but decided 5 minutes apart was getting close considering how long I had already been in labor. She answered the phone with a groggy, "Is Bonnie having a baby?" I told her I thought so and she said she would gather her stuff and come. Scott gave me a blessing after that. He had just started when the phone rang and Richelle was asking if we wanted her to bring her hose. I said yes and hung up. Then I asked Scott to finish the blessing. He started again and this time I felt the peace that everything would be okay. I stopped worrying after that. I was no longer afraid that I or the baby would have complications and have to go to the hospital. He said angels would attend me and guide me as to what I needed to do. The labor would be enjoyable and efficient. He said Heavenly Father wanted me to know of His love and concern for me at this time. I remember he called my labor a "labor of love" for our son, that I would have a quick recovery and that my body would function properly. He also said the baby would be happy and would be a sweet son who would bring joy to our family and home.Richelle took a while to get there. I think it was about 5:30 or maybe even 6. We were getting the tub ready. She checked my cervix and I remember thinking, "now don’t be disappointed if you’re only at a 2 or a 3." However, I was 6 centimeters dilated! I was ecstatic. My labor had really been efficient. My relaxation techniques and self-talk really were working. I called Melissa who was going to film the birth and told her I was already at 6. She said she’d come right out. An assistant midwife arrived next. Her name was Rachel. By this time I was in the tub and Richelle, Rachel, or Scott would push on my sacrum? during contractions. I was amazed how much that helped. I felt best in a hands and knees position during contractions. When Melissa arrived, she looked at Rachel sitting on the bed and said, "Shut up!" That was her way of saying hi to an old friend whom she didn’t expect to see. The mood changed to more of a reunion or party type atmosphere. At first I thought, "this is fun–kind of like a slumber party." It was still dark outside. But then, as Rachel and Melissa kept talking to each other, even during my contractions, I thought, "Wait–this is my labor and my birth." The sun came up and the kids woke up one at a time and as each came into the bedroom, I’d say, "Aren’t you glad we didn’t have to wake you up?" I was still in a good mood and didn’t realize the effect the whole changed atmosphere was having on my labor. Melissa was asking me questions while filming (with a huge camera) which I now realize in hindsight distracted me. Even though I thought it was all okay, it wasn’t conducive to laboring. Especially the way I need to labor–in peace and quiet and some sense of privacy. The contractions slowed down and became weaker. When Richelle checked me next I was only 7 centimeters even though it had been at least 2 hours since I was at 6.Another thing that may have affected my labor was that Richelle said the latest research indicated that a water temperature of 95 was better for birthing. So we let the water get cooler than I liked. I really feel best when it’s around 98-100. After a while Richelle realized I needed fewer people in the bedroom so Melissa and Rachel went out but I could still hear them talking in the family room. The girls got Joshua dressed and fed him breakfast. He was embarrassed to eat in front of all those strangers and so he covered his eyes with one hand while spooning Cheerios into his mouth with his other hand. They all tried not to laugh at him because it was so cute and funny. Ali came in and asked how much longer it would take. I told her, "don’t talk numbers. It stresses me out."Richelle gave me a tincture of blue cohosh to speed up my labor and left Scott and I alone in the bedroom. We weren’t able to close the door because the bed was in the way (we had to push it towards the door to make room for the tub.) Ali was playing on the piano while we were trying to listen to a cd with really pretty music that Richelle had brought. Even though both were pretty and relaxing, the combination of them wasn’t. I told Richelle it was really distracting so she asked me if she should go tell Ali to stop playing. I feel so bad now because Ali told me later that she was playing for me. I had thought maybe she was just playing to pass the time. When Richelle asked her to stop her eyes welled up with tears and she had to go downstairs to hide her emotions from everyone. I still feel really bad for Ali!Finally Scott and I were alone so we decided to do some NS in the tub to speed up the labor. I did have a few stronger contractions, but nothing got consistent. Finally after repeated trips to the bathroom I was tired of the tub. I got dry and put my robe on and went out into the family room. A second midwife had arrived and they were all sitting there in the family room. I sat on the exercise ball and Melissa asked if she could film me to which I said yes. But when she asked if she could ask me questions I said I’d rather not. I apologized to them that it was taking so long. Having my labor slow down had never happened before. They said I didn’t need to apologize. They all watched me which made me extremely uncomfortable, so I got up and said I probably just needed a nap and things would pick up again. I really wanted to shut the door so Rachel and Richelle worked really hard to move the bed so we could close the door. Finally we succeeded and I lay down and everyone went out of the bedroom. I just couldn’t sleep, however. After a few minutes I got up to go to the bathroom again. Scott came in and said that at Richelle’s suggestion they had all said a prayer for me to know what they should do to help me. After the prayer was over they all knew they needed to leave the house for a while. Richelle stayed of course. When Scott told me this I felt an immediate sense of relief. I hadn’t realized just how much a house full of people had affected me and my labor. Right after this while I was still sitting on the john, and while Scott was still in the bathroom, I heard a pop and then water dropped into the toilet. My water bag had broken! That pop was a cool sound. Scott thought it was pretty cool that it had broken while I was on the toilet. That was pretty convenient. No mess to clean up. That was funny because ever since I had gotten up the night before I carried a chux pad around with me in case my water broke. Richelle came into the bedroom then and Scott told her my water had broken. She immediately got on her cell phone and called everybody back. I heard her say, "We just had a spontaneous rupture of the membranes. Come right back."I got into the tub then and had a whopper of a contraction. It was so intense. I immediately got into a modified hands and knees position and rested my head on the side of the tub whenever a contraction came, and come they did! I only had 2 or 3 contractions like that when I felt the baby moving down. Scott was in the tub by this time and I was moaning like crazy during each contraction. I could hear rubber gloves hurriedly being snapped on and the room filled up with people. I didn’t really care though because all I could think about was getting this baby out. I just couldn’t stand the intensity of those contractions and the feeling of him moving through me. I wanted him out! During the last couple of contractions Richelle moaned with me trying to remind me to keep the tones low. That really helped me. I could hear her and I immediately tried to match her tones. When I could feel the baby was about to crown I said, "I need to squat!" Richelle said go ahead and told Scott to get behind me and hold me up slightly. Scott reached in and said, "There’s his head!" I gave a great push and very loud moan and pushed his head out. The sensations were so intense, so excruciating even, that I remember thinking, "I never want to do this again!" Richelle checked for the cord and his heart tones. She said not to take a lot of time because during the last contraction or two his heart tones had gone down to 90. I didn’t want to take any chances of the baby having any problems so even though I might have liked to rest for a second or two, I immediately pushed again and pushed his whole body out. Richelle caught him and I sat down. None of the midwives happened to look at the clock the minute he was born, but Tanner had! He proudly announced to them that he was born at 11:13 a.m. My water had broken at 10:40. Only a half an hour had transpired! I had gone from a tight 8 cm to full dilation and delivery in 30 minutes!I knew as I sat there I had torn. I hurt both at the top and bottom of the birth canal. (Later I found out they were just skid marks.) But I tried to forget about that and just look at my precious baby. He opened his eyes and I said wonderingly, "Who do you look like?" His eyes looked very different than the other kids had. I knew I had a very unique little baby in my arms. I checked to make sure he was a boy and of course he was! Scott was sitting slightly behind me admiring him as well. I kissed his head. He was so precious!Whitney and Tanner had been in the room and witnessed the birth but Ali and Joshua had been downstairs "dancing to the potty train" as Ali said later. (They were watching Joshua’s video of Bear in the Big Blue House called "Sometimes You Just Have to Go!") Whitney ran downstairs right after Charles was born and excitedly told Ali to come upstairs–that it had happened. I feel bad Ali missed the birth, but as Scott said later, it was better that Joshua didn’t see and hear me as I pushed the baby out. It would have freaked him out to hear me moan like I did. I didn’t notice Joshua was in the room with Ali until I suddenly heard him cry. I thought he had just come in and cried when he saw me in the tub holding a baby that wasn’t him! Scott told me he had been in the room for a few minutes just staring at us before he started crying. Someone, maybe Ali, took him out as soon as he started crying.Charles didn’t pink up very fast and he seemed to have swallowed some fluid. Richelle gently suctioned his lungs and he gagged a bit. Because of that we didn’t stay in the water too long. Richelle asked me how I felt about cutting the cord even though it was still pulsating weakly. I thought it more important to get Charles warm and pink than to wait until the cord stopped pulsating completely. So Scott cut it and more blood came out than had come out of Joshua’s cord. They wrapped him up in a warm towel and helped me out as well.In order to warm up Charles, they suggested I nurse him. Melissa asked if she could film it and I said okay, but it affected me again and contributed to me feeling flustered. Charles wasn’t interested in nursing and my breasts were so huge and soft that I’m sure I looked extremely uncoordinated. Finally I gave up and said I’d try again later. A little while later after Melissa and one of the midwives had left I lay down in bed with Charles snuggled next to me. Then we had no trouble nursing. He latched on beautifully–I was careful to wait for his mouth to open wide and to kind of roll the nipple onto his tongue. He nursed contentedly for a good 15 or 20 minutes. It didn’t hurt at all–hooray! I felt the motherly hormones flowing and I couldn’t resist smelling and kissing his sweet head. I noticed Richelle watching right then. I don’t know what she thought–relief that breastfeeding was now working and I was bonding. I’m sure she realized just how much better I do with a little privacy. Maybe she was looking forward to the day when she would have a baby. When Charles let go of the breast I put him on the other side and he nursed just as well.He warmed up after that and Richelle and Rachel did the newborn exam. He let out a few sudden yells, but when she put him on his stomach he calmed right down. He was 20 inches long and weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces. That was the same as one of the other kids, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember which one. Ali thought it was her but I wasn’t totally sure. I later looked at my records and realized it was Tanner who was 7-11. Tanner totally bonded with Charles. I am so glad he got to see his baby brother born.It was an interesting labor and birth, even though in hindsight I wished I had practiced my hypnobirthing techniques more. I think they were more effective than just using the Bradley Method techniques to relax. If there is a next time, I'm firmly decided I'm going to use the Hypnobabies home study course.It's funny how I felt like I never wanted to give birth again for those few excruciating moments of pushing, and yet within days, I was planning how to make the next birth better!I fell so absolutely in love with this little boy that I couldn't stop looking at him. He was so beautiful, and I was so grateful and ecstatic that I had had another successful, joyous homebirth!

Joshua's Home Waterbirth

2009-02-27T19:17:00.001-08:00

On August 18, 2003, 1 day before my due date, I woke up at 6:30 a.m. and felt like getting up. (Unusual for me, especially since I had stayed up late the night before reading hypnobirthing stories on the internet trying to reassure myself I could do it.) I went for a walk by myself. I remember thinking "I would like to say I walked 2 miles the day the baby was born."Throughout the day I did a lot of little nesting things. One of them was to clean the refrigerator. My 16 year old daughter, Ali, walked in and said, "I don’t think Joshua will care if the fridge is dirty." (The whole family knew we were going to name the baby Joshua.) I said, "Of course he won’t, but I will. Be quiet, I’m nesting."In the afternoon I drove into town to my prenatal appointment with Pam, my midwife. I had 4 or 5 contractions just during the 45 minute drive to Pam’s house. I was so tired. She wrapped my belly with a Japanese style wrap. It felt really good.When we got home I was so tired I couldn’t even stand up to make some dinner. I felt so heavy! My husband, Scott, opened some cans of stew for the rest of the family and warmed up some soup for me. I didn’t feel like eating anything heavy.Around 9:15 p.m. I got ready for bed. My family was out in the family room watching a movie. In the middle of my prayers my mom called. I climbed into bed and talked to her for about 10 minutes. I told her I had been having irregular contractions all day. After I hung up, I put in the Fear Release tape to listen to. After only a few minutes I had a really long, strong contraction. I had to take 3 deep breaths to get through it. Just as it subsided I felt a warm gush of fluid. I jumped up, exclaiming, "Oh no!" I knew what it meant. Labor was truly starting. I was definitely not going to get any sleep! I ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet and thought of all the things I hadn’t gotten done yet. I called for Scott and told him how frantic I felt about the things that weren’t done and how mad I was at myself for ignoring the promptings of the night before to go to bed early and for being so careless this close to my due date. He was going to be born on his due date! I should have known! I was also a little concerned because the amniotic fluid wasn’t clear. It had a greenish brown tinge to it. Was it meconium? Was the baby in distress? Scott tried to calm me down and told me to stop berating myself. I think he was excited it was finally happening. He brought me the phone to call Pam and Laura (my doula). I sat there for almost a half an hour feeling very indecisive. It was all happening too quickly for my tired, pregnant brain.A friend came over and helped Scott give me a blessing. In it Scott said that everything would go well. That helped calm me down a lot. Pam arrived around 10:45 p.m. and did a cervical check. I was only dilated to 2 cm and my cervix was tilted back. It made it hard for her to check me. She said she thought she felt the cord. Panic filled me. I knew what it meant for the cord to present first–automatic c-section! I began praying fervently and then Pam said, "No, I just feel the head." What a relief!My daughter, Ali, and her best friend, Emily, were in the front room playing soothing songs on their violin and viola. It also helped to calm my nerves. Scott and Ali brought the swimming pool upstairs that I had bought just for the birth and set it up in our bedroom. Scott began filling it and the hose kept popping off the faucet spraying water everywhere in the bathroom. In hindsight it’s kind of funny, but at the time he was totally frustrated. Finally he figured out why–the hose was kinked. As soon as the tub was filled I climbed in. It felt wonderful. Laura, my doula, arrived about that time, around 12:30 a.m.As I labored in the pool, the contractions weren’t too bad. I was smiling in between them. Scott lay down on the bed for a few minutes. He was pretty tired. I was listening to a tape I had borrowed from Laura, called the Birth Guide. I didn’t realize how much it was helping me until it suddenly stopped. I began to feel panicky while Laura and my husband tried to get it working again. (Somehow, baby oil had gotten on it!)During the increasingly strong contractions I began to rest my forehead on the top edge of the pool in a hands and knees position. They had a hard time getting the baby’s heartbeat with the stethoscope because he was kind of sideways with his back to my side. Richelle, a midwife assistant, suggested doing a sideways lunge to get his head to turn because it was transverse. (?) I did that and slowly rocked back and forth. After doing that for a few contractions I rolled over and they got his heartbeat much easier so we figured he had turned into the right position. My cervix was only at a 6 or 7 and still had an anterior cervical lip.Around 2 a.m. the surges got even more intense and I remember saying "I can’t do this again!" When I felt another surge coming I would feel apprehension but I tried to remind myself I could do it. In fact think I muttered out loud a few times, "I can do this." It did seem to help. I was so exhausted as the surges came so strong and close together. I said, "I need a break. But my body won’t let me take a break!" So Pam got the oxygen and held the tube just under my nose for a while. It really did refresh me enough to keep going. When Diane, another midwife assistant, showed up I was too into myself to look up and say hello.When Pam would check me, she would try to get a hold of the cervical lip and hold it back so it could dilate further. She kept saying, "If I can keep a hold on it during a good, long contraction, we can get it out of the way for good. It kept slipping back. So when I had another contraction I was laying back with my head and shoulders on the edge of the tub and Pam was holding the edge of my cervix. It was a long, excruciatingly painful contraction and I couldn’t help moaning through it. I thought it would never end. Finally it was over and Pam said she felt it slip over the baby’s head. She sat back then and figured it would be soon now. I really wasn’t sure where I was at in the process. I was using all my concentration to breathe through each contraction without totally losing control. Pam asked if I felt the urge to push yet and I said, "I think on the next one." They suggested getting into a squatting position. Scott was now sitting down in the water facing me.With the next contraction my body totally took over and he began coming out. I let out a loud cry/moan because the whole physical sensation of him moving through me was so intense. He felt so big I thought I was going to literally split in two. I just couldn’t believe something so big was coming out through my body–it didn’t seem possible he could fit or that I could stretch enough. Finally I felt the head moving past the perineum. Pam said, "Don’t push! Pant!" Scott was saying "Breathe him down." Then he repeated, "Pant!" more loudly than Pam had. Then I responded and began to pant like a dog. :o) Pam was saying something like "Easy does it. Slow down." I panted more slowly and his head slowly eased out. I felt a burning sensation and began saying "It burns! It burns!" Finally the contraction was over. I was so relieved his head was out! I felt nothing for a while and so I took a much needed rest. I could hear Pam saying his head had turned the right way. That was good. After another minute I let out a loud cry again as I pushed his body out. Again it felt like my body was taking over to do what needed to be done. It was quite an odd sensation–as if my body were a separate entity. The physical sensation was so intense that I couldn’t help making that noise. It was so natural and instinctive. The relief as his body slipped out was incredible. He was born at 3:09 a.m. Scott grabbed him and immediately put him up on my chest.It felt absolutely wonderful to hold him. He was so beautiful! I heard Pam say, "He got water" meaning he got some in his mouth. Diane immediately began suctioning his lungs with this skinny little tube. He started to cough and sputter. I was rubbing his back and so were the midwives. I wasn’t worried. I knew he was getting oxygen through the cord. I talked to him, saying, "come on, you can do it, you can breathe, get that stuff up." I told Scott to talk to him and he said, "Hi Joshua. Try to breathe." He seemed to respond to Scott’s voice and let out a couple of wails. They held the oxygen under his nose and continued to suction at intervals.I was in heaven holding him, knowing it was over and I had a beautiful baby boy. He pinked up quickly. I don’t know how long I stayed in the water holding him. Nobody rushed me to get out. I had one contraction but the placenta didn’t come out. I was too engrossed with Joshua to concentrate on pushing it out. His fingers were so long and he had his hands open and seemed to be exploring everything with his hands. At one point, as I supported his head with my opposite hand, my arm was across his chest and he reached with both hands and held onto my arm. It was the neatest thing. Diane said with wonder, "Look at him use his hands!"After the birth, Emily, who had stayed for the whole thing had gone to wake up my 13 year old daughter, Whitney, who had been sleeping on the couch. She came in and sat on the bed. She didn’t say much. I think she was still half asleep. Diane said, "Well, you girls, all I can say is your mother made it look pretty easy."I shook my head, smiling, "It wasn’t easy!" Scott said the cord had stopped pulsating. I didn’t know how long it had been, but I was surprised it had stopped already. Richelle and Pam coached Scott on how to clamp and cut it. Then Scott took Joshua and they helped him wrap him in a big fluffy warm towel. They helped me out of the water so I could deliver the placenta on the bed. I was amazed at how heavy and exhausted I felt once I was out of the water.After I delivered the placenta, I put on my robe and lay back on the pillows that had been set up. Then they brought Joshua back to me and I put him to the breast. He nursed beautifully.When he was done nursing, it was time for Pam and Richelle to examine him. Scott held up the scale while Joshua was suspended in the soft cloth. He weighed 7-14 and was 21 inches long. My biggest baby! His head was 14 inches around. He was so beautiful and healthy-looking. What a miracle!When Scott and I finally climbed into bed with our precious bundle of joy it was around 5:30 a.m. It was a beautiful moment to lay in our own bed with our brand new little son laying between us. I scooped him into the crook of my arm because I wanted to hold him. Scott fell asleep rather quickly but I couldn’t sleep. I marveled that only a few hours ago he had been inside me. Now he was here in my arms breathing, healthy, and absolutely beautiful. It made me so happy I couldn’t fall asleep for over an hour. The only thing marring it were the afterpains. They were constant and incredibly strong. However I was still so happy and excited and grateful. I had my homebirth and everything went well and fast. Really only a 4 hour labor. Heavenly Father blessed me so much. What a journey He guided me on. And He never left me alone. He guided the people, the pregnancy, the labor and delivery. It was such a beautiful, incredible, intense, miraculous experience.At 6:30 a.m., my 6 year old son, Tanner, got up and started to run past our bedroom door but I called to him to come here. As he walked in I said, "Come meet your new little baby brother." He seemed a little surprised and amazed to see a little baby snuggled between Scott and I. When he went to bed the night before I had been pregnant and labor hadn’t really even started. Now he had a new little brother and all of us were safe and sound at home together. It was the best, most wonderful birth experience I could have ever hoped for!

Talita's Birth Slideshow

2009-02-15T14:50:00.000-08:00

Talita's birthday

2009-02-15T14:35:00.000-08:00

I've had an epiphany of sorts. It all came about because a fellow Hypnobabies mom recently posted her son's birth story. He was born on September 11, 2008, just like Talita, and she named him Tristan Phoenix. (Same initials as Talita Pearl) She commented that she didn't care which day he was born on as long as it wasn't September 11th. I remember having the same thoughts. 9/11 is just such a tragic day in the history of our nation. After reading Tristan's birth story I again pondered on why Talita chose that day to be born. A thought came to me then, and it is this, "These precious spirits want us to focus not on the tragedy of death, but rather on the miracle of life." And then I remembered this paragraph from my pregnancy journal written in June 2008:

"I believe you want to be named Talita to remind me and your dad and everyone you meet in mortality to have faith and hope in Christ, His atonement and resurrection. Joseph Brickey’s painting of the daughter of Jarius depicts it well. Though we all have moments of grief and sorrow, the Savior stands at the door. When we’re ready, the door is opened, the light comes pouring in and life is restored, joy and reunion take place, and our mortal moment of suffering is ended. Because of our Lord and Savior, we can have joy forever. This is what you want me to focus on–not the aching loss–but the hope of eternal life and the joyous reunion with loved ones, all made possible because of our beloved Savior. From now on, when I say or think your name I will focus on the Savior standing in a light-filled doorway, just waiting to bring life and joy to my life and our family’s life."

Then it all came full circle. Now it feels totally appropriate that Talita was born on September 11th.

Artificial Induction of labor

2009-02-03T21:17:00.000-08:00

Here's a great intro to an important article on induction of labor:

"Thousands of women in this country with normal pregnancies and healthy babies are being put at risk every day in maternity units across the country. Yet like lambs to the slaughter they pack up their bags and head for the hospital in the belief that the doctors, who instigate the barbaric treatment they are about to undergo, are saving their babies' lives.

Many of them then spend the next few days in excruciating pain over and above that what is experienced in normal labour in an effort to drag their unready and unwilling bodies into labour. Their bodies are filled with drugs that may compromise their long-term health so they begin the spiralling cascade of interventions that all too often culminates with entry through the theatre doors.

The women and their families thank the doctors and hospital guidelines for saving them from the problems they had, problems that are often itrogenic in origin. And so the myth, that their bodies are failing them in the one thing women are best at, procuring a future generation, is perpetuated.

To add insult to injury my colleagues, midwives, who by definition of their title should be the protectors of women and babies, help daily to continue this unnecessary practice. Induction of labour for no medical reason has become a socially acceptable procedure."

Couldn't have said it better myself. Here's the link to the whole article: http://www.kentmidwiferypractice.co.uk/2006/induction.htm

Trailer to The Business of Being Born

2009-01-31T07:58:00.000-08:00

This film is a must-see for every expectant mom in America. It does a great job of exposing what's really going on in US labor & delivery rooms. I do wish they had shown a Hypnobabies birth so people could see that birth doesn't have to be painful. But there are more films in the making, so here's hoping. . .

Homebirth Slideshow

2009-01-29T12:02:00.000-08:00

This isn't my homebirth, but pics of several others. It also has some interesting statistics. My favorite line: "Homebirth: Safe, Empowering, Gentle, Powerful, Normal."

The Obstetrician Song

2009-01-22T20:01:00.001-08:00

This is hilarious. http://www.compleatmother.com/audio/

New link to check out

2009-01-22T10:20:00.000-08:00

I added this new link (over on the left under Great Links). It is a document written by doctors for the purpose of educating other doctors about the myths and truths of circumcision. Every parent of a boy and every expectant parent of a boy should read this.

The more I educate myself about common medical procedures in this country, the more I realize how uninformed and misinformed we are in this country--a country that considers itself more enlightened and educated than most of the rest of the world--when in reality we are some of the most ingorant people on the planet. I believe it stems from a medical community who is educated and funded by those with an agenda (Big Pharma with profits to make) and a gullible people who worship those misinformed doctors as though they are gods.

Do I sound angry? Well, every time I read about circumcision, I'm saddened and angered that I ignorantly consented and allowed doctors to circumcise my two oldest sons. Thank heavens I learned the truth before giving birth to my next two sons. I just wish everyone would take the time to educate themselves and stop relying on the mainstream organizations who have obvious conflicts of interest for their info!

So hard to say good-bye. . .

2009-01-08T17:13:00.000-08:00

OK, I know I'm 43 and I know 7 kids is a lot, (granted only 4 are still at home) but how does a woman who has come to love the pregnancy/birth/babymoon process say "I'm done. I will never experience that again?" My last three pregnancies/births have been the most incredible wonderful, life-changing experiences of my life. It makes me sad to say I'm done. Yet I know I'm done--my family now feels complete.

I will miss the excitement and joy of that positive pregnancy test, the first stirrings of life within me, the later constant but delightful kicking and moving while I'm trying to fall asleep at night, the look of surprise and the delighted laugh of a toddler when they feel the baby inside my belly kick their hands, the wonderful feeling of having another spirit, pure and innocent, constantly with me, the INTENSE, exciting sensations of labor and birth, and especially those first magical moments when I get to meet the little person I carried inside me for 9 months. I love the motherlove hormones, the altered state of consciousness when I am totally absorbed in working to bring forth my baby, the sweet smell of my newborn baby's head, holding my baby tummy to tummy while feeding them at my breast and marveling at the incredibly soft skin and the sheer beauty of their tiny perfectness. I love the quiet, yet supreme knowledge that I am a partner with God in the creation of life. Can anything else in the world compare to all this??

One thing allows me to say good-bye to all this--It is the faith and hope in this scripture:
"Those who are sealed in holy temples and who faithfully keep their covenants will receive God's glory, which 'shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever' (D&C 132:19)."

I don't have to say good-bye forever, only for "a little while."

Lotus Birth

2009-01-08T12:45:00.001-08:00

I've been thinking about lotus birth lately, mainly because of a Hypnobabies email. Someone had links to these articles: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/321368/lotus_birth_a_gentler_way_to_come_into.html?page=2&cat=52
http://www.sarahjbuckley.com/articles/leaving-well-alone.htm They and the subsequent HB posts by moms who actually had lotus births totally changed my thinking on the issue.

When I first heard about Lotus birth, I thought "These women have taken the natural childbirth concept one step too far. Yuck! Why would anyone want to do that?" The articles answered that question and a little more research totally took away the "ick" factor for me and made me wish I had done a lotus birth with Talita.

I had wondered why with each one of my children born at home I hesitated when it came time to cut the cord. My initital reaction was "No! I don't know why, but don't do it!" Then I would always remind myself that it was okay because the cord had stopped pulsing. What else was there to wait for?

Well, how about it doesn't need to be cut at all? The cord will shrivel up and fall off on its own, usually within 2 days (much faster than cutting even after pulsation stops.) The umbilicus heals better and faster and the baby receives all the blood and fluids nature intends them to have while they make this transition from the womb to the outside world. This amazing organ came from the same cells that formed the baby's eyes, heart and brain. It is part of her! It makes sense to wait for it to naturally separate from the baby when he or she is ready to let go of this lifeline they have known for 9 months. The placenta can be treated with salt and essential oils, etc. (after letting it drain well) so it doesn't smell and then it can be wrapped up well so no one even has to see it if they don't want to.

The advantages? Well, for starters, babies born this way rarely lose any of their birth weight. (Mine all took nearly two weeks to get back to their birth weight.) There are many other advantages I won't go into here, but the one that is the most compelling for me is that a lotus birth virtually ensures that at least the first hour after the birth belongs all to the mother to enjoy bonding and loving her baby with absolutely no interference or separation!

Talita's birth was amazing and wonderful, but if I had any regrets it would be how I let the midwives handle the third stage. If I had it to do over I would have tried for a lotus birth. Even if we decided because of logistics to cut the cord after an hour or two, I would have had my baby all to myself during that wonderful, magical time when the motherlove hormones are flowing the strongest! (In all fairness, though, it was her Dad and brother who were holding and admiring her in the other room while I delivered the placenta--not some nurse who had no emotional connection to us.)

I believe I would have had an easier time birthing the placenta--when it was ready--not when the midwives thought it should be ready. Care providers, to be fair, just want to finish things up and go home and get some needed sleep! This is where an unassisted birth has another advantage--no one is there to rush your body to do something before it's ready to.

Anyway, what I've learned (perhaps too late for me, but not for others) is that even in homebirth settings you need to know exactly what you want and BE ASSERTIVE! The other thing I learned is that here is yet another example of how wise God and nature are. If we would just stop interfering and learn to trust in the natural process everything would go a lot better for mom and baby--just the way it was intended it to be!

Talita's Birth Story

2008-10-24T20:11:00.000-07:00

I finally finished the long version of Talita's birth story! It's right below the short version. It's basically what I wrote in my journal so it has every little detail I didn't want to forget. Sorry if it's TMI, but how could I leave anything out?

2008-09-30T16:10:00.000-07:00

Check out the "short" version of Talita's miraculous, joyful birth story below. The long version should be here in a couple more days. =)

Tired but Happy

2008-09-28T15:30:00.001-07:00

Sept. 13

This is one of those "It doesn't get any better than this" moments!

Our little angel is here!!

2008-09-17T17:35:00.001-07:00

Talita Pearl was born miraculously, joyfully at home on Thursday, September 11, 2008 at 3:29 p.m. She weighed 7 lbs 1 oz. and was 19.25 inces long.

Birth story coming soon!

Just a few minutes old!

Isn't she just so feminine?!?!

40 Weeks 1 day

2008-09-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

I think I look full term now! I'm still feeling pretty good. This picture is taken in the canyon where I take my morning walks while listening to my Joyful Pregnancy and Birth affirmations on my IPod. Doing those two things about 5 days a week has been such an incredibly wonderful and positive thing for this pregnancy!
"I completely trust my ability to birth my baby."

37 Weeks!

2008-08-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

I always feel much bigger than I look in these pictures.

Birth Story Junkie

2008-08-01T17:02:00.000-07:00

I love reading birth stories (positive that is!) But it's interesting to me how the kind of birth stories that impress me have changed over these last 3 pregnancies. At first I just loved to read natural childbirth stories, then homebirth using hypnosis, and now with this last pregnancy, I only want to read about women (no matter where they are giving birth) who are so in tune with their bodies and their babies that they don't rely on outside people or machines to tell them how they're doing in labor. There are some incredible women I've read about who don't rely on numbers or other people to tell them how to give birth. They just listen to their body and their own intuition and do what it tells them. Of course, if a woman isn't healthy or is having true complications, those things may be needed. However, I'm doing everything I know how during this pregnancy to stay healthy, low risk, and totally in tune with my body. I feel great peace that everything is going to go well. =)

Joshua's Birth Slideshow

2008-07-18T07:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry the photo quality is poor. The pictures were digital stills converted from a VHS tape. On the bright side I think the blurriness actually helps it seem a little more discrete.

2008-07-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

33 Weeks and counting!

2008-07-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

The birth pool I'm going to use this time. This one has a 3" padded bottom and handles and it's deeper than the one I used with the last two births. Very important features!! It's going to be great.

Journey to my first homebirth

2008-07-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

Joshua’s Pregnancy--Nov 2002-Aug 2003

When I became pregnant 6 years after my last baby, I had learned a great deal about natural alternatives to modern medicine. I was healthy, at a great weight for me, and this time I had hardly any morning sickness at all (unusual for me.) This time I knew I wanted a nurse midwife rather than an O.B. At the beginning I wasn't even considering a homebirth. The idea terrified me. It frightened my husband even more. So I chose a certified nurse midwife who only delivered in hospitals. She assured me that having had a previous c-section was no problem to my being able to deliver vaginally. However, she did warn me that the pendulum was swinging back the other way towards less VBAC's being done. She told me that if I wanted an unmedicated delivery I absolutely had to take a class in pain management. I was okay with thatBI knew from prior experience that I needed help to not cave when the pain became intense. She gave me three brochuresBLamaze, the Bradley Method, and Hypnobirthing.
This is where my journey toward homebirth really began. Intrigued by the hypnobirthing brochure, I went to the website it listed and absolutely loved what I read. At first I still wanted to deliver in a hospital but use hypnobirthing to deal with the pain. I read birth story after birth story on the internet. I couldn't get enough of them. Gradually I began to consider homebirth. I felt so much peace whenever I would think about it. As I read the stories about homebirth the babe inside me would invariably become active. Was he trying to tell me something? I wasn’t sure, but I was intrigued by the observation. My husband, however, was still terrified of the idea of homebirth and I didn't think we could afford it since our insurance wouldn't cover a homebirth. I went to the library and read every book I could on natural childbirth, waterbirth, and homebirth. My fears were gradually eliminated, and as I shared what I learned with my husband, his fears disappeared as well.

The final clincher happened when I was about 6 months along. At my prenatal appointment with my nurse-midwife, I told her how I didn't want an IV or even a heplock, and that I didn't want to be strapped to a fetal monitor. She told me I didn't have a choice and that my chances of delivering vaginally were about 75 %. (Never mind the fact that my c-section had been due to fetal distress--not CPD or failure to progress, nor the fact that I had already had one VBAC!) I knew too much at this point to be able to accept her terms and expectations. At the time I was just kind of stunned and so I didn't say anything. After I left her office I knew I wasn't going back. After everything I had learned, her terms had become unacceptable to me. Through her office I had found a doula named Laura, and she gave some referrals for homebirth midwives. However, the midwife I eventually chose was through the friend of a friend. I had been praying about who to use when this person's name came to mind. I didn't even know her and had only heard her name once or twice several months ago. When my husband and I went to see Pam I knew we had found the midwife I wanted assisting me as I gave birth.

I began my appointments with her and they were wonderful. I went every week since we only had 2 months left and a lot to catch up on. My appointments lasted at least an hour and I had plenty of time to talk. She was so good to listen to me! She cared about all of meBnot just how my body was physically handling the pregnancy. I was a whole person with feelings that mattered a great deal to my ability to have a safe and healthy birth. She also helped me deal with my feelings about my previous births.

In my 7th month my husband and I began our hypnobirthing class. (Marie Mongan's method) I loved it! The instructor's philosophy closely matched my own. I also learned a lot about how much the unborn child can feel and know in the womb. It was incredible. I really connected to my baby and felt like I already knew him. The best part was when we realized just how much he loved his dad. He really responded to Scott's voice. We learned the relaxation scripts and I was so excited for the experience. I also felt so much at peace with what I was doing.

About 6 weeks after my last appointment with my former nurse-midwife they finally noticed I hadn't come back. They called and asked if I had transferred my care. They also wanted to know who I was using. When they figured out I was using a homebirth midwife they tried to scare me that I would have a uterine rupture and would die if I gave birth at home. I knew from my research that my chances of uterine rupture were very small, especially if I had no medical interventions (pitocin, cytotec, prostaglandin gel, etc.) I confidently told her this and thanked her for her concern, but I felt I was doing the right thing for me.

By this time I also knew I wanted to have a waterbirth. I bought a swimming pool at Toys R Us that was the perfect size and my husband and I figured out how to use our old waterbed heater (well insulated) to keep the water at the right temperature. My doula was a big help throughout the whole pregnancy. We mostly communicated through email. She supported my homebirth decision without being pushy. She encouraged me that I could have a wonderful nonmedicated birth at home. And I believed her because I knew she had done it herself. She also lent me some Hypnobabies tapes. They greatly helped me let go of the negative feelings I had from my son's c-section and also some negative feelings I had from a particularly difficult trial our family had gone through right before getting pregnant.

All in all, Joshua’s pregnancy was a transforming, joyful experience and I almost didn’t want it to end. However, I was also excited to experience the joyful, natural birth I had prepared so carefully for. And with the guiding help of a kind and loving Father in Heaven, I did end up having the home waterbirth of my dreams.

To be continued…in “Joshua’s Home Waterbirth”

Great Article!

2008-07-13T14:25:00.000-07:00

This is an awesome article about the sacrifice and privilege it is to conceive and bear a child. I totally related to it and it made me feel great about being pregnant!

http://www.ldsmag.com/articles/080527sacrifice.html

Birth-Joy

Love this quote on Motherhood

The Birth of Malakai Thomas Reeves

OBGYN v. Midwife [The Hilariously True Appointment Comparison]

You Do Have a Choice

Moments That Matter Most

Forks Over Knives - Official Trailer

Is Homebirth Really Better for Babies?

Excellent Video about Being Kinder to our Babies at Birth

Lotus Birth

Multiply and Replenish

Optimal Nutrition in Pregnancy

Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, Hallelujah Chorus - Must See!

After the Birth, What a Family Needs

My Brain Says its Better, but My Heart is Sad

Labor & Delivery Nurse Has Homebirth

Woohoo! Morning Sickness Cured!

The Breast Crawl

Sweet April Child

Menstruation During Pregnancy?

A Most Amazing Video of Twins Born at Home--WOW!

Gloria Lemay - Will You Keep Your Son Intact?

I really love this birth montage

Circumcision, Revisited

The Young Women Values and Motherhood

The Big Scare, The Body Code, and Divine Guidance

So Cool--Birth-Joy is in the "Top 50 Fabulous Pregnancy Blogs"

"To Not Circumcise or to Not Circumcise; There is No Question"

Why I Avoid Giving Birth in the Hospital

Why we can't shut up about natural birth

Getting to Know my Baby

The Placenta--Baby Connection

Seriously Considering Lotus Birth

Family reactions

Wow!

Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God

What Babies Want: The Trailer for the Film

Brave-Nichole Nordeman [LYRICS]

Lynsey Stone Birth Photography - unassisted birth sample slideshow

"Homebirth After Cesarean"

The "You must be brave" comment

Why We Choose Homebirth

Fantastic interview on the vaccine issue

"OBAMA ISSUES EMERGENCY DECLARATION TO BOOST VACCINE USAGE"

"Modern medicine" may well be defined as "the experimental study of what happens when poisonous chemicals are placed into malnourished human bodies."

Swine Flu update

“To sin by silence when there is a duty to protect makes cowards of men.”

Just need to vent...

My baby's one!

"You Should Be Grateful" essay

Reducing Infant Mortality in the U.S.

"Birth Matters Virginia"

An absolutely stunning birth slideshow

"Staying Home: Why and What If?"

Another Reason to Avoid an Epidural

Another Blog Discovery

Three Great Birth Documentary Screenings Coming to American Fork, UT

A Consent Form For Your Doctor

"What Heaven Sees In You" slideshow

Amazing Birth Story

Baby Dreams--Divine Inspiration or just my heart wanting to do it one more time?

"Ecstatic Birth--Nature's Hormonal Blueprint for Labor"

A Midwife’s Experience with Hypnobabies

Rixa's blog

I finally got Talita's portrait taken!

VBAC Article

Charles' Birth Slide Show

Pregnant in America

Talita's Birth Story (long version)

How We Came to Name Them Joshua, Charles, and Talita

Talita Pearl’s Homebirth ("short" version)

Charles Home WaterBirth

Joshua's Home Waterbirth

Talita's Birth Slideshow

Talita's birthday

Artificial Induction of labor

Trailer to The Business of Being Born

Homebirth Slideshow

More links to check out.

The Obstetrician Song